


Stick of Truth: The Princess and The Dragonborn

by Cookiegirl228



Series: DovaKen South Park adventures [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Duh it’s South Park, Explicit Language, M/M, New kid OC, South Park: The Stick of Truth, but that’s just cause he’s New kid, kinda for awhile sorta, mute character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22570225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookiegirl228/pseuds/Cookiegirl228
Summary: There's a new kid in town that capture's Princess Kenny's eye. Cartman being the Ass he is decides to call him douchebag since he didn't say his actual name. Problem is 'Douchbag' has no clue what's going on and doesn't really know why hes ended up in South Park. All he does know is that Princess Kenny is hot with or without the Princess outfit.Transferring this over From Wattpad cause why not. And yeah I know the summary is bad, but I promise you the story is at least slightly better. I’m editing grammar and jazz as I go but do know this shit a few years old at this point and I’m also writing the sequel still sooo. The sequel that I started writing after I started writing the third book. Do any of you care? No probably not.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/New Kid | Douchebag, Kenny McCormick/Original Male Character(s), Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Series: DovaKen South Park adventures [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762174
Kudos: 57





	1. The New Kid

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn’t read the bottom Summary but then here’s basically what it said:
> 
> I’m transferring this over from Wattpad, it’s the 1st book of 3, both the 2nd and 3rd are a work in progress and waaaay linger. No I didn’t start writing the 3rd when I hadn’t finished the 2nd, I put the 3rd on hold to write the 2nd cause Fractured But Whole has just come out. Yeah this shit that old

**]New Kid's POV[**  
I can hear my parents talking down stairs about how great this small mountain town is going to be for us. Now I know what your thinking, "Why'd you move in the first place?" To tell you the truth, I don't know. All I know is that we've moved a lot and it's always for the same reason. What reason that is, I'm not sure. I just know it's always to get me away from something or someone.

"Hey honey how are you doing?" My mom greets as she and my dad both appear in the now open doorway. Another thing that's kinda weird is I may or may not have forgotten how to speak. And what my name is. All I know is it begins with a D. It doesn't help that my parents never say my name either.

"Son, do you remember why we moved to this secluded mountain town?" No I never remember. I just stare at them trying to remember how to say words. Noises would be nice too.

"He doesn't remember!"

"That's good! That's good that he doesn't remember!" My parents whisper to each other like I can't hear.

"Alright well why don't you go out and make some friends! I've left some money on the counter for you." My mom says with a smile before she and my dad leave my room.

How am I supposed to make friends when I can't communicate at all?!? Ugh this is gonna be sooooo fun! Imma just be that weird new kid who never talks aren't I? Yaaaay!

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**~Butter's POV~**  
I'm currently fighting some elf warrior. I'm about to beat him when he suddenly uses a health potion. Uh oh. I'm all out and he's pretty tough.

"Haha! You can't hold on much longer!"

"Ahh! Help! I can't hold on much longer!"

Some kid then just walks up and punches him in the face, finishing him off. "Hey that's cheating! I'm telling my mom!" He then runs off to his I guess.

"Hey thanks! I'm Butters! You must be the new kid. Looks like we're neighbors. We should be friends! The wizard King has been waiting for you! Come on!" I say grabbing his hand and leading him to Eric’s- Uhh I mean Kupa keep.

**||||||||||Mini time Skip||||||||||**

  
"Ah you must be the new kid. Follow me." Eric greets us at the door. He then begins walking toward his backyard. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!"

The new kid looks around. I think he's impressed. I can't really tell though because he doesn't say 'wooah' or 'wow' or anything. He just kinda stands there looking around. Come to think of it he hasn't spoken at all.

**|•|Kenny's POV|•|**

  
"And that's princess Kenny. Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick we're just rolling with it for now." I hear Cartman say. I turn to look to see who he's talking to. I was kinda just drifting off.

My eyes land on the person Fatty was talking to. A really hot guy. I lean over to Butters to ask who he is when suddenly Cartman comes back from giving him “The Grand Wizard’s Grand Tour.” Which really isn’t very Grand at all.

"So what is your name?" He asks him. However he kinda just stands there. I think he's thinking. Why'd he have to think about his name?

"You entered 'Douchebag' is that correct?" Guess Cartman got sick of waiting. I don't think 'Douchebag' likes The wizard's improvise. "Would you like to be called 'Douchebag?'" The new kid opens his mouth slightly but then shuts it. Maybe he's mute?

"Hold up Wizard King maybe we should give him a white board or something." I say turning to Cartman.

"Huh? Why? He clearly isn't gonna say his name so it's obviously embarrassing! Clearly his name must be Douchebag!" I swear Cartman has no real logic.

"That's the thing Cartman! I don't think he can say his name."

"I just said that."

"No I mean I think he literally can't! I don't think he can speak at all!"

"Ah lame. Whatever you're gonna be called Douchebag alright? Now pick a class. There's Fighter, Mage, Theif, or Jew."

"Uhh, Wizard King. If he can't talk then how's he gonna pick?" Butter's asks.

"Ugh fine. I swear if I find out you can talk Imma kick your ass." Cartman then pulls out some cards with the classes, along with their characters on them. 'Douchebag looks at them all and picks up the Thief card.

"A white thief huh? Haven't seen one of those in awhile." The Wizard King comments. What about Craig?

Douchebag looks at the card for awhile before pointing at it. "Thief it is! Here put these on and then go to the armory so I can show you the ropes.

**||||||Another mini Time skip|||||**

I watched as Douchebag beat the crap out of Clyde. He's pretty good. After he's done I hear Cartman say something about showing him the stick of truth.

He then walks back over to the front of the tent. However instead of going up to Cartman Douchebag goes up to me. Uhh crap. Oh there's a flower over there! I guess I could give him his first quest!

"Oh hey there! You know I wish I could look at something almost as beautiful as me. You know like a flower! Tee hee." I say in my girly voice. Douchebag looks at me and then walks away. Well umm ok? Did he accept my re-oh!

"Oh my such a pretty flower! Why don't we be friends!" I say taking the flower out of his hand. He nods and walks over to Cartman.

"What was that about Princess Kenny?" Butters asks looking at me as I stare at the flower. I'm surprised that he actually got it for me.

"Huh? Oh I don't know, I just thought his first quest should be from a princess is all." I reply, still using my high pitched girly voice.

"Uh ok. AH ELVES! ALERT ALERT!" Butters screams running into the tent. Cartman comes running out with Douchbag following him. Cartman then begins ordering us to do certain tasks in order to protect the Stick. The Elves begin attacking everyone. Some elf catches me off guard and attacks me. He got the first attack and hit me pretty hard.

He defeats me rather quickly and I fall to the ground 'dead' however he continues to hit me with his weapon. Luckily Douchebag comes and beats the elf dude up rather quickly. Wow I'm pathetic. I mean the new kid who literally just learned the ropes about a minute ago is doing better than me.

In fact he's doing better than all of us. He literally just single handedly took out all the elves.

"Retreat!" The leader elf orders.

"Nananana we still control the universe! Hahahahahaha!" The wizard King Cartman taunts as the elves flee.

"They took the stick." Clyde says coming out of the tent where the stick SHOULD have been.

"What?"

"They took the stick. It's gone, they have it." Clyde repeats adding more detail.

"God Fucking damn it Clyde! You had one fucking job!" Cartman yells at the retard that is Clyde. "ONE fucking job Clyde! You know what! I banish thee from time and space!"

"What!? You can't do that!"

"Yes I can! Your banished from time and space! Now go home Clyde!"  
Clyde then walks away grumbling about being banished.

**]New kid/DoucheBag’s** **POV[**

  
Ok how the hell did the elves get past me and everyone else. Seriously did that Clyde guy just stand there and watch as they walked up and grabbed it or something? I didn't even see any of the so called elves go into the tent though.

Whatever. The wizard King, or Eric Cartman which is apparently his real name, is currently telling me to hunt out for people I don't know with Butters so we can take back the stick of truth? I am really confused. Why am I even doing this? I guess I can't really say I don't want to but I mean come on. And how the hell have I already got several friends on Facebook and several friends in general?

Wait when did I get a Facebook? How did I get a Facebook? I don't even know my name! Wait maybe; nope. Ok how do I have a Facebook account when I don't have a name up? Wait how did these guys find me?

I continue to stare confusingly at my phone when suddenly Butters yells at me. "LOOK OUT!"

I look up to see Elves running toward us. Oh boy this again! At least I won't have the wizard yelling at me.

**||||||||||Screw The battle||||||||||**

"Whoopie!" Butters cheers. "We should loot them! Butters suggests. I do just that getting a total of $2.75, some junk, and cheesy po- erhrm a "Health potion."

"Alright why don't we give Craig his letter first since his house isn't far from here." Butters says pointing down the street. Since I don't know how too speak I simply start walking in the direction he pointed.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

"Sorry Craig's in detention. Something about flipping off the principal." Who I assume is Craig's dad informs us. He flipped off the principal and only got detention? Or is it at least multiple detentions? What lead to him flipping off the Principal? I don't know and I don’t think I ever will, cause I mean it’s not like I can ask. Maybe I should carry around a pen and paper...

Nah that’d take too long to write everything down. Not to mention I doubt the Wizard would bother reading anything I write. Butters might, Princess Kenny... well I don’t actually know but he... she? They seem nice so far.

Me and Butters walk away from Craig's house and start walking toward a coffee shop because according to Butters that's where we'll find this Tweek guy.

"We should probably tell the Grand wizard about Craig being in jail. Though I guess we should get Tweek and Token first." Butters says as we approach the door to the coffee shop. However I stop right infront of the door and whirl around toward him.

JAIL?!? But his dad said he got detention! Wait, is that part of the game?

"What?" Butters questions looking at me. "You afraid of coffee or something? I know it doesn't taste all that great but there's nothing to be afraid of!"

Does he honestly think I'm- Ah forget it I'll just go in aaaaand he's holding my wrist.

"Come on little buddy lets do this together! Don't worry you don't have to drink any coffee!"

Oh my fucking- seriously!? Ok whatever. I try to slip my wrist from out of his grasps but he just tightens his grip.

"Hey hey! Don't worry Douchbag! It's just a coffee shop! Nothing to be afraid of see look there's Tweek!" Butters says dragging me into the back room and towards some kid with messy blonde hair and a messily buttoned shirt. He also seems kinda jittery. I hand him the letter Eric gave me.

"Huh? Ah! N-now? Ahaha! I can't I still have to finish my chores! Oh you! You can make the delivery! Here just give this to this address a-and bring the package back here! A- Hey wait who are y-you an-anyway? And Why are yo-you holding h-his wrist Butters?" The guy I assuming is Tweek says frantically.

"Huh? Oh uh he doesn't really talk and we don't know his name so we're just calling him Douchebag. And I'm holding his hand because I think he's- Hey! Where you going?" Butters yells after me as I begin walking away to wherever this is.

"Argh! Too much pressure! Need coffee!"

"Wow you really don't like Coffee do you? Butters questions looking at me. I stop walking and just glare at him. "What do you not even like me saying the word? Well I'm sorry!" I face palm at his stupidity. Oh how I wish I could remember to talk.


	2. Gathering the warriors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this just mostly follows the games time line so just guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s between classes, I’m bored, and this chapter is short so here take more shit

**~Butters' POV~**

Wow having a friend who can't speak is confusing. I think he's afraid of coffee. Either that or he really hates it. I wonder why? I mean anytime I mention it he seems to get annoyed. Maybe he isn't afraid of coffee at all? Naw, why else would he have frozen in front of Tweak's coffee? Huh that's weird. "Huh, the address seems to be for Princess Kenny's house." I say looking at the house in front of us. If it can even be called a house. Douchebag looks over at me with a shocked expression. Oh ya he doesn't know that Kenny's family is poor. “Even though she’s royalty, Princess Kenny and her family are actually rather poor." I inform Douchebag. He then nods slowly and knocks on the door.

"Oh hello, You must be that new kid right? How can I help you?” Kenny’s Mom asks, answering the door. Douchebag simply hands her the order form in response. “Oh this is for the nice people renting the place out back!" Mrs.McCormick says handing back the form and the keys to the shed.

“Oh okay thank you! Sorry for bothering you Mrs. McCormick.” I respond seeing as Douchebag can’t. She merely waves me off with a “Not at all.” When she’s not on drugs or dealing with withdrawals she’s actually pretty nice.

Douchebag and I move towards the even smaller shed looking building to the side of the house. He knocks and we get a shout of “Just get your ass in here.”

We enter the building and Douchebag hands over the order form. "Ya we got your package." The man says. "Hey wait a minute your not the normal kid who makes the deliveries!" "Aw crap it's a cerp!" Another man says. Uh oh, looks like we are in for a battle!  
  
**||Battles are boring and tedious to write and read about||**

**]New Kid/Douchebag's POV[**

"Whoo! That was a close one wasn't it Douchebag?" Ok I know I said my name started with a D but come on! What kind of parent names their child Douchebag!? I swear if that turns out to be my real name I'm gonna kill my parents.

Me and Butters head back to the coffee shop to give whatever is in this package to Tweek. Judging by how we just fought meth heads, I say it's some kind of drugs or something. "Are you gonna need me t-" Can't really cut Butters off by talking but I can just deny his statement by walking into the shop. "Well I guess not." Butters says following me into the back room "Oh cool you got it!" Tweek says as he takes the package from me. "Dad! I finished my chores can I go play now?"

"Did you get the delivery?"

"Uh hu!" Well he sent me out to do it. By the way you're gonna need to find a new supplier for your coffee drugs. Mr.Tweak then tastes the stuff whatever it is and begins rambling about locally grown shit and stuff. I wasn't really paying attention. "T-Thanks dude! I owe you!I'll meet you back at the kingdom!" And another friend plus friend on Facebook. And I haven't even been here a day yet or spoken a single word.

"Alright let's head over to Token's place now to give him his letter! Then we'll have to tell The wizard King about how Craig is in jail." Riiiiiight 'jail.' Me and Butters walk up to a mansion with a wall, gate and security guard. I'm gonna have to fight him too aren't I? Well might as well just try to get p- "AHH FUCKING PEPPER SPRAY!" I yell as I get pepper sprayed.

"I will pepper spray you out of existence."

Wait I yelled! How'd I do that? Butters stares at me as I cover my mouth eyes burning.

"Y-You can talk!" He yells helping me up and walking me away from the stupid guard. "Why were you pretending that you couldn't?" Butters questions crossing his arms. "...." I open my mouth to say something but... I can't. I just I have no clue how I did that before! "What did you forget how to talk or somethin?" Yes. Wait why haven't I been nodding and shit? Well it's never too late to start. I nod my head while sheepishly rubbing the back of my neck. "Wait seriously?!" Butters explains.

"DON'T TELL ANYONE!" I yell again. Wait how'd I do that? I try to do it again but nothing. I punch the wall in anger and immediately start caressing my hand and opening my mouth in a silent cry. I also fall to my knees.

"Wait so can you not willingly speak? Because twice now you've yelled but you seemed pretty shocked yourself." Butters questions looking at me. I shrug in reply still cradling my hand. "Well ok then. We should probably get something to protect you from the pepper spray. You know like a gas mask. I think Jimbo's hunting shop might have one." I give a nod and stand up. We begin walking in the direction of the hunting shop.

**|Time skip brought to you by Me|**

Ok so the guys in the hunting shop are willing to sell me really powerful weapons. They're probably so strong because they are real motherfucking weapons! Like he was willing to sell me a katana and a crossbow! I would've bought them but I've gotta be lvl 14 to use them and they're really expensive soooo. Probably cause they’re fucking real, though I kinda expected them to be more. Ah well, who am I to question his already weird as hell town with drug filled coffee.

I buy the gas mask, slip it on and me and butters walk back to this Token guy’s house, Butters talking about random stuff along the way. One there I try walking through the gate again.

The guard attempts to pepper spray me again but this time fails. "What the- OMG he's immune!" Yep gonna have to fight him too. Yaaaaaay!

**|||Again screw the Fight|||**

Well I've got more shit now. Cool, I guess. I knock on the door to the mansion. I think it's a mansion. It's not an ordinary house that's for sure, much too big. "Hello?" Hi there. "May I help you?" No but you can help The wizard. "Oh the elves took the stick again? Alright gimme a second." 'Token' says as he closes the door. One. "Thank you brave warrior! I shall make haste to Koopa Keep! Mom can you drive me to Eric's house?"

Wow he wasn't joking when he said one second. How the hell did he get dressed that quickly? Whatever. Wait why doesn't he just walk to the “Kingdom” with me and Butters? Ah whatever!  
  
**|||Mini Teleporting Time Skip|||**

**|•|Princess Kenny's POV|•|**

As soon as Butters and the Hotty- wait what? Did I just call the new kid hot? He's a dude though! But he is pretty god damn hot. Ugh I'm crushing on Douchebag and he's a dude. Fabulous.

“Alright now that I have my- where's Feldspar? WHERES MY LVL 12 THEIF!?!?" Wizard fatass yells.

"He's in detention." Token responds.

"What?"

"Y-ya he flipped off the principal again!" Tweek adds on.

"God fucking damn it! Ugh alright. Douchebag looks like you're gonna have to break Craig out of jail. But first I must teach you magic." Douchebag nods in response. "Alright when you are ready, meet me at the training area." Cartman orders before walking away.

Everyone disperses except me and Douchebag. We both kinda just stand there looking at each other for a while before Douchebag shakes his head and walks off to go train with Fat boy.

What the fuck was that? Oh well whatever. After only being over there for about 4 minutes the wizard calls me over saying Douchebag wanted to show me something. His di- wooooaaaah wooooaaaah woah! Wtf Kenny?!? Calm down geeze, your a perv but you’re not gay! Right?

"What's up?" I ask walking over to them.

“Princess Kenny can you spar with Douchebag real quick?" Eric questions. I nod and get in my fighting position. I watch Douchebag very closely. Ok so I might not be preparing or watching for an attack but I am admiring him.

"Now Douchebag! DRAGONSHOUT!" Dragon what? Douchebag then begins to... Is he farting? He's gonna fart on m- "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHH" I burst out laughing considering Douchebag just farted on Cartman instead of me.

"DOUCHEBAG WHAT THE FUCK!?! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FART ON PRINCESS KENNY!" The angry Wizard King yells. Douchebag simply shrugs in response with a smirk on his face. "Ugh whatever. That was a pretty good fart. I believe you are ready. However you shall no longer be called Douchebag. From now on you shall be SIR Douchebag!" The wizard exclaims handing Douchebag some new, better gear.

"Now make haste to the dungeon to free Craig! Princess Kenny you go with him!" YES! SUCK IT BUTTERS! I GET TO GO WITH HOT STUFF! Wait Woooooaaaaah! Ok this isn't a normal crush. This is like almost yandere level crushing. Well not really but still. This could end badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apparently was wrong about the time skips. There are still a thousand labeled time skips. If this continues I’m gonna start editing out they’re cringiness and just let it be assumed like most people do.


	3. Saving Craig and Speaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am slowly but surely changing the chapters as I go. And by that I mean grammar/spelling errors, just making things make more sense, and adding a few not really important or world changing things here and there. So its not a completely different story from the one on Wattpad but there is more and you can probably maybe see a bit of difference in writing cause again, I made this shit 4 years ago.

**|•|Princess Kenny's POV|•|**

  
For whatever reason, Douchebag seems kinda nervous. Not about breaking Craig out of detention though. He seems more nervous about me.

Like the moment the grand wizard said I was going instead of Butters, he stiffened. Maybe he's hiding something only Butters knows? I mean Butters did seem to be hiding something. I mean he kept glancing at Douchebag before we left. In fact he's doing it now too. Because of course last minute Cartman decided Butters should go too. Whatever into the school we go!

"Excuse me but school is out and no students are aloud on the premises until tomorrow at 7:30am!" A lame ginger hall monitors says stopping us the moment we step through the doors.

"*mumble grumble angry whisper noises*"

Wait did Douchebag just grumble something? I thought he couldn't talk! What the fuck dude?!? What ever let's beat up this hall monitor.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

"Hall monitor down! I repeat, hall monitor down! I need back up!"

Oh great! Fucking fabulous! Now we're gonna have to fight more ginger hall monitors! We enter the right hall and are stopped again by stupid hall monitors. This time they have a barrier. Luckily Douchebag was able to take them out without actually initiating a fight by using his "magic."

However, as we try to open the door to free the prisoners we realize it's locked. Of course it is. Mr. Mackey is probably tired of us breaking Craig out all the time.

"You're not gonna get through this door Mmkay? You might as well give up because I've hidden the golden key somewhere and you'll never find it in my office. Aw dammit... Mmkay." Mr. Mackey says through the door. Well alright.

"He says the golden key is in his office but we can't get in without the silver key." Butters states the obvious as more hall monitors attack us. It's a rather quick battle this time around. We continue forward and hear some yelling from the Faculty room. But of course we gotta get the brass key to open that. Unfortunately our way is blocked by one of those weird gate things you see at Home Depot.

"The defender of the brass key will never surrender!" The hall monitor who I'm guessing is the holder of the Brass key says from the other side.

"Uh oh. I think we're gonna need someone's special ability for this. I'm no use because I can only heal. And then Douchebag doesn't really have special ability either. What are we gonna do?" Butters says/asks. He spoke words.

"Alright I got this." I say walking over to the fence thingy. "Yoo hoo!" I call in my 'Princess' voice to the Hall monitor. When he looks over I pull down the front of my dress, orange parka,and shirt to expose my nipples.

"Oooo boobies!" The ginger says coming over and opening the gate thing. "Must touch must have!" He says making grab hands.

"Tee hee" I giggle and hit him over the head with my mirror, knocking him out.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh?" Douchebag makes a weird confused noise and kinda just looks at me.

"Alright before we go on, what's up with you? Like can you or can't you talk?" I question fixing my clothes.

Butters looks over at Douchebag and he gives a sigh followed by a nod. "He forgot how to talk."

"What?" How the fuck do you forget how to talk?

"I know it's weird but I just did ok! Not the only thing I forgot either!" He shouts grumbling the last part.

"Wait if you forgot how to talk then how come you just talked?" I questioned crossing my arms.

"I did?"

"Ya you did."

"Holy cow did you remember how to talk again?" Butters asks excitedly.

"I think I did."

"Whoopie!" Butters cheers.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**]New kid/Douchebag's POV[**

  
"Well ok then. Oh hey you know what we should do?" Kenny asks. Make out. Wait what?

"What?" Butters asks.

"Just fuck with everybody else and have you just not say anything." Princess Kenny responds pointing to me.

"Alright sounds fun." I say smirking.

"Oh hey now that you can talk, what's your real name?" Butters asks.

"Ueeuuh I don't know." I say rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly. "All I know is that it does actually begin with a 'D.' I don't think its actually Douchebag though and if it is, I hate my parents."

"D huh? Ducky? Damien? Daren? Duke? Devin?" Kenny begins listing off names that begin with D, trying to jog my memory. I shake my head no as we continue walking.

**||||||Battle of the Brass Key||||||**

"Dakota? Drew? Drake? DJ? Daniel?" Butters begins to list off as we walk back the way we came. Both him and Kenny have been taking turns doing this throughout us getting both the brass key.

"Nein." I respond to the list of names. I mean I don't actually know for sure but I don't _think_ any of those are my name.

"Nine? That doesn't begin with D! And its a number not a name!" Butters says confused.

"No not the number! I was saying 'no' in German!" I say as I open the door with the brass key. I take out pretty much all the Hall monitors by setting off some fireworks and then farting on them too. Also, why the hell are all the hall monitors pale as shit stereotypical gingers, and why are some of them wielding giant pickaxes?

"You speak German? Well that's pretty cool! Where'd you learn that?" Butters asks as we walk over to a really beat up kid in the corner.

I simply face palm and wave Butters off toward the I injured kid. "Hey t-thanks! Here, take this. I was unable to get passed them but maybe you can!" The kid says giving me the silver key and running away.

"I don't speak German, I just know how to say 'no' in German!" I say as we walk towards the councilor's office.

" I know how to say 'no' in Spanish." Kenny says as I unlock the door with the silver key.

"Princess Kenny saying 'no' in Spanish is just No." I say making a "really?" face and looking over my shoulder at him. Her? Princess Kenny.

"I know." Kenny responds with a smirk.

"DYLAN!" Butters shouts.

"What?" Both me and Kenny say in unison looking at Butters.

"Your name. I thought it might be Dylan."

"Oooooh ok fair enough."

"Is it?" Kenny asks.

"Mmmm yeah okay no. That was kinda random. I'm not sure this listing off random names thing is working. There's apparently a lot of names that begin with the letter 'D'."

"Watch it be something really weird that we wouldn't be able to get in like a million years! You know like Draco or some crap." Kenny says chuckling.

"Alright weird names Uhhh Doran? Dudley? D uhhhh Derick? Darold?" Butters begins listing names again as I manage to snag the gold key off the shelf.

"I feel like Doran was getting closer? Kinda? Not really I don't know! And aren't Derick and Darold pretty normal names?" I say as we walk out and Go back to where everyone in detention is. I assume it's the cafeteria but I don't know. I haven't actually been to school yet.

"Alright well we can just call you D I guess for now. But remember Craig is in there and we don't want him to hear you or the joke is ruined, alright?" Kenny reminds me, turning to look at me with a smile. He has a nice smile. Like a really nice smile. Okay his costume must be fucking with me. "Uh D? You good there? Do you not want to go through with the prank anymore or??" I give him a nod in reply before frantically shaking my head no. Why am I willingly not speaking again? Especially when I only just regained the ability to speak?

"Soo were still going through with it then?" Kenny asks to confirm. Ah. Right that's why. The Princess wants me too. I give a nod in response once I realized I was staring again. I then turn towards the door and reach out to open it when suddenly this bigger older looking ginger hall monitor comes up stopping us from unlocking the door.

"Stop! Where's your hall pass?" He questions. We all stay quite. "No hall pass ey? Then I'll have to write you a referral."

"Oh ya! That's the boss! Good luck fighting the boss! Mmkay. You still think this is a game young man?" The councilor says through the door. Uuuuuuh I mean it kinda feels like one.

**|||||Bleep Bloop Battle Poop||||| _((Why was I like this?))_**

"I wasn't worthy of the sash!" The hall monitor 'boss' says as he 'dies.' I take all his stuff and take the shit in his locker before I unlock the doors and release everyone in detention.

"Yaaay! The kids cheer as everyone runs away.

I hear the councilor whose apparently named Mr. Mackey yell "DAMN YOU CRAAAAIG!" As we run off. I mean I was the one who busted everyone out along with Princess Kenny and Paladin Butters but Ok.

Once we get to the front of the school Craig turns and thanks me. "Thanks for getting me out kid. Who are you?"

"..."

"What's your name?"

"..."

"He doesn't really talk." Kenny says pointing to me. "So we don't really know his name. The wizard King has dubbed him Douchebag but me and Butters are just calling him D because we aren't dicks."

"Oh. Oh well I'm heading to Kupa Keep. See you there I guess." Craig says walking off.

"This might be a little difficult." I say turning to Butters and Kenny once Craig is out of ear shot. They both shrug in reply.

"We can do it though." Butters says cheerfully.

"Sure Butters. Come on let's go to Kupa Keep." I say gesturing to the direction Craig went. Kenny and Butters nod and we head off in the direction of Kupa Keep.


	4. Don’t Call Me Douchebag

**|•|Princess Kenny's|•|**

  
D, Butters and I arrive back at Kupa keep where Cartman begins talking. Apparently the Bard is the current holder of the stick. Well Fuck. Before heading out the wizard says he wants to teach D another spell. Well he said Douchebag but you know. This time Eric calls Scott over and D farts on him. Huh, wonder why he didn't fart on me? Once they're done, Cartman gathers everyone up once again.

We then head out to the giggling donkey where the Bard is apparently staying.

"There it is, The inn of the Giggling Donkey. You sure that's where the Bard is hiding out?" The wizard asks, turning towards Paladin Butters.

"That's what Twitter says!"

"Carrier Raven Butters!"

"Oh s-sorry sorry! That's what the carrier raven says!"

"Alright , Craig, Tweek, and Token, you three guard the back door. Princess Kenny, Butters, Sir Douchebag you're with me. Let's go inside." The wizard says gesturing for us to follow him inside. When we enter some people turn and look at us.

"Stay close Sir Douchebag, the Inn of the Giggling Donkey harbors all the scum of Zaron." Cartman mumbles to D."A glass of Meedle wine please." The grand wizard asks the bartender.

"No Meedle wine today only Fairy ale." The bartender replies.

" A Pint of Fairy ale then." The bartender pours him his drink fat ass begins talking again. "So uh, has anyone seen the Bard lately?" Once those words come out of Cartman's mouth everyone turns and glares at us. Luckily Cartman is able to not so smoothly cover up by continuing with, "A pint of fairy ale isn't much without some bardic poems and songs."

Most of the customers don't seem to buy it but luckily the bartender does, or at least goes along with it. "Sure he's here alright. He's got a room down in the Cellar."

"Ah then I shall pay handsomely for his services. Sir Douchebag." Cartman says throwing some money on the counter as he walks away. We follow behind him towards a door that leads to the cellar.

"Butters Sir Douchebag, you go down there and flush him out. Me and Princess Kenny will be waiting up here to murder him. Remember the Bard can use magical songs of enchantment, don't let him get to you."

'Douchebag' or D as me and Butters are now calling him, simply blinks and turns and walks down the stairs to the cellar with Butters following close behind.

I turn and face Cartman. "Hey Grand wizard, don't you think Sir Douchebag is a bit of a long name? Why not something like, oh I don't know , Sir D?" I suggest trying to give some bull shit explanation so Eric doesn't question me.

"Huh? D? What kind of name is tha- PRINCESS KENNY LOOK OUT!"

"Wha- Ah fuck." The last thing I see is a fist to the face before everything goes black.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**]New kid/Douchbag/D's POV[**

  
Ok so it took about 5 minutes just for the Bard to say "Magical songs of enchantments" and then we didn't even fight him just some regular old elves who were getting buffs from the bard's singing.

Now he's run off, and locked us down here with some more elves we'll have to fight. Oh ya and this whole thing was a trap too. The wizard King and Princess Kenny got kidnapped.

"*Tap Tap Tap* Hey! Sir Douchebag! Up here!" I hear a sorta familiar voice say. I look up to see Craig in the window. I pull out my bow and shoot the latch, allowing Craig to open the window. Oh hey that's right I took archery at some point in time. I don't remember where or when but I do vaguely remember taking lessons.

Craig turns off the electrical stuff and then falls down on top of one of the elves "Ouch."

Ugh looks like me and Butters are still gonna have to fight the other ones.

**|||||||||||||||||||Fart|||||||||||||||||||**

"Ow I think I sprained my ankle." Craig says attempting to get up but falling back down. I look at Butters and gesture to Craig by jerking my head towards him.

"What?" Butters asks looking at me confused.

I point to Craig with my thumb. I mean Butters' special ability is healing. Maybe he could at least give Craig the allusion that his ankle is fine. Cause I know that Butters doesn't actually heal them but he made that one guy better by just patting him a few times on the back. Maybe he can do the same with Craig.

"Ya I know Craig's hurt but what are we supposed to do?" Butters asks.

"Oh for the love of- Couldn't you just like 'heal' him or something?"

"Hey that's a pretty g- hey wait a minute why'd you put air quotes around heal?" Butters question getting a bit angry.

"Hey hold up I thought you couldn't talk!" Craig yells pointing at me.

"I couldn't at first but can now. Well in reality when I met you I had already remembered but me Kenny and Butters wanted to fuck with everyone. But you know what? IM SICK OF ALL OF YOU JUST ORDERING ME TO DO SHIT AND CALLING ME DOUCHEBAG WITH OUT ME EVER DOING ANYTHING TO YOU!" I yell feeling a weird.. Energy? Power? I feel something blossom up inside me.

**~Butters' POV~**

  
Oh hamburgers! D's eyes just flashed red!

"D? C-c-calm down. W-we'll stop calling you do-douchebag! I-I can't guarantee that C-Cartman will stop ordering you around b-b-but I can try to get him to be n-nicer about I-it." I say my voice shaking in fear.

"Y-ya dude c-chill! If you just told us your name we wouldn't call you Douchebag!" Craig says his voice shaking a little too.

Gosh darn it Craig. I'm pretty sure he just struck a nerve.

"I DONT KNOW MY NAME DAMMIT! I FORGOT BECAUSE- WELL I DON'T KNOW WHY! MY PARENTS NEVER SAY MY NAME EITHER! THEY JUST CALL ME 'SON'OR 'HONEY' OR 'CHAMP" OR SOME SHIT! ALL I KNOW IS THAT IT STARTS WITH A D AND I'M SOME KIND OF FREAK THAT FORCES MY FAMILY TO HAVE TO KEEP MOVING FOR SOME GOD DAMN REASON THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW!" D rants off, clearly stressed out. His keep eyes flickering from their normal chocolate brown to glowing red. This is kinda all coming out of nowhere. I mean he seemed fine until we learned this was a trap, then he started getting kinda angry but not to this extent!

"O-oh. D-dude I'm sorry! I didn't know, okay, how about we just calm down a bit yeah?" Craig says voice shaking a bit. I think this is the most emotion I've ever seen from Craig. He actually looks kinda scared, but also guilty and concerned.

D's eyes stop flickering and remain their normal chocolate brown as D continues to breath heavily but it slowly begins to even out. He closes his eyes, takes one last deep breath in before letting it out slowly, and opening his eyes again.

"S-sorry about that. I have no clue what that was." He mutters looking away.

"R-right well, let's get out of here." I say healing Craig, who nods in agreement.

Craig picks the lock on the door and are met with an elf yelling "For the elf King!" as he runs into the kitchen. We are met by a bunch of elves kicking the Wizard King's dead body.

D scares them all away but shouting "FUCK OFF BEFORE I BITE OUT ALL YOUR THROATS!"

"Who the fuck? Do-" the wizard begins before me and Craig cut him off.

"DON'T CALL HIM DOUCHEBAG!" Me and Craig shout before he can finish. D twitches slightly at the name.

"Huh? Why not? He can talk when he made us think he couldn't and refuses to tell us his name. He's obviously a D-"

"I don't know my name I only know that it begins with a D. And that it's not fucking Douchebag. I forgot how to talk until recently but Princess Kenny and Butters told me not to talk just to fuck with everyone but I can't just stay quiet anymore." D explains, sounding pretty annoyed.

"WHAT THE FUCK? I'm on my death bed and now you tell me? Whatever Princess Kenny is probably getting raped up stairs, so go get her. It's too late for me. Meh" Eric says fainting.

D's eyes widen and he runs out of the kitchen, kicks down a barrier, opens the door to let Tweek and Token in, and knocks out all the elves out in one hit without even initiating a battle, before he runs up stairs.

"W-Whoa! When did the n-new kid become a b-bad ass? Ahh! W-wait where's Princess Kenny and the W-Wizard King?" Tweek questions.

"Just now and in the Kitchen. The wizard King is hurt badly." I reply.

"Good thing my healing powers are at their max." Token says before entering the kitchen.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**]New Kid/D's POV[**

  
FUCKING CARTMAN! JUMPING ON THE BED WITH KENNY ON IT IS NOT FUCKING RAPE! Ugh I should have known a guy my age wouldn't rape another guy even if he thought it was a girl.

I glare at the guy until he stops jumping. "Uuuuuuh are you just gonna stand there and glare at me?" He asks.  
"Helloooo?"

"D CAN YOU FUCKING DO SOMETHING IM KINDA TIED UP HERE!" Kenny yells at me. I ignore him and continue glaring at the guy. I don't feel like actually fighting anyone right now.

"Dude stop it's creeping me out. If you wanna fight let's fight." The elf says getting off the bed and walking over towards me. Perfect.

I continue glaring as he attempts to hit me. Attempts. I grab his arm and look him in the eyes, giving him a severely annoyed and pretty pissed of glare.

"Ah! Hey let go." He cries as he attempts to wiggle out. I quickly, flip him around with his arm pined behind his back.

"Where is the Bard?" I question, venom in my voice.

"H-he's in the other r-room!" The elf stutters.

"Good. Now you're gonna go back to your elf King and tell him not to fuck with us right? " I ask menacingly. The elf nods his head frantically and I let him go. He then runs off screaming.

I walk over to Kenny and untie him with a blank expression. "You alright?" I ask worry making its way to my face.

"I'm fine but what the fuck was that?!?" Kenny asks looking at me with concern and shock in his eyes.

"To tell you the truth, I don't know."


	5. Bards and Bedtimes

**0•0Cartman's POV0•0**

  
Fucking Douchebag! Being able to talk pretty much this whole fucking time and not saying anything! And what's this bullshit about not knowing his own name? Whatever, according to Craig and Butters, we're supposed to call him 'D' now.

"Wahahaha Mommy!" An elf cries running down the stairs and out the door.

"Ahh! W-what was that about?!" Tweek yells.

"Must've been D." Craig responds a hint of fear flashing in his eyes. Ok when did Craig become a pussy? Douchebag what did you do!?

"Whatever. Come on let's get the stick back. Unless D has already gotten it. HE BETTER NOT BE KEEPING IT FOR HIMSELF!" I yell realization hitting me.

"Dude let go!" The voice of Princess Kenny yells. The hell? We finish climbing up the stairs to see her/him trying to open the door.

"Princess Kenny! How badly did they rape you!?" I question.

"Wha- IS THAT WHAT YOU TOLD HIM THEY WERE DOING! FUCKING DUMBASS HE NEARLY BROKE A GUYS ARM!" Kenny yells at me pointing to Jimmy's parents' room.

"Well how was I supposed to know they weren't raping you or that D would go ape shit!?" I counter. "Where is Sir D anyways?"

"I told him to stay in there until he cooled off. You should've seen him. It was badass and kinda scary at the same time. If he ever decides to leave your fatass for the elf King I just might follow him." Kenny says looking towards the room.

Somethings up. Kenny wouldn't leave just because someone's pretty strong. I mean he usually avoids fighting anyways! Maybe he's gay for D? Pfffft ya right! Kenny's the perverted lady's man of South Park elementary! He's always looking at those porn magazines with women, not dudes!

"Alright whatever. D! Get out here so you can help us beat up the Bard!" I yell as I walk over to Jimmy's closed bedroom door. I attempt to turn the door knob but it doesn't move at all. "What th- JIMMY LET GO OF THE KNOB!"

"N-No!"

"LET GO OF THE KNOB THATS CHEATING!"

"N-No it's not!"

"YES IT IS!"

"No! I have the s-stick and I say it's not cheating!"

"C-can he do that?" Tweek asks, looking around at all of us.

"He has the stick, he can basically do anything." Token replies with a sigh.

"Hey you! Don't suppose you're gonna willingly put the ladder down are you?" The voice of D asks. I look behind me and see D looking up towards the attic.

"No way! You are never getting up here!"

"Is that so? Well I guess you're not getting any of this then! Tee hee hee!" Princess Kenny says in her/his girlish voice as he/she exposes his/her chest. 

"Ooo boobies! Come here baby!" The stupid elf says lowering the ladder and climbing downwards. Once he is down low enough Kenny smacks him with his mirror and fixes his clothes.

"Alright Sir D, Butters, you guys go up there an-" and D is already up there. And Butters is climbing the ladder yelling at him to wait. GOD DAMMIT THEY NEED TO LISTEN TO MY AUTHORITY!

"He may not listen to you anymore but you've gotta admit, he gets shit done." Token says looking up at the hole where both Butters and D disappeared.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**]D's POV** [

  
As usual it's me and Butters doing all the work. Beating up the elves and fighting the boss. Well I assume at least. Oh ya I might've created a hole into this kid's room. Oops.

Don't ask how, because it was really just one thing leading to another. Me and Butters jump down into the bedroom. The Bard had moved away from the door now so Butters simply ran over and opened it. I was just glaring at the bard. I think the Princess called him Jimmy?

"You have no where to run bard! Hand over the stick of truth!" The Wizard says walking up to stand by me.

"T-take it from me if you can w-wizard King! Step forward now and full fill your de-de-. Step forward now and full fill your de- your de-dee." Oh god not again!

  
 **|||||||||** **|8 minutes later||||||||||**

  
"Step forward now and full fill your d-destiny!" THANK THE LORD!

"You are no match for a grand wizard!"

"The stick belongs with us and I will use all of my bardic powers in my class to k-keep it from you!"

"Fine! You wanna throw down brah? Kick his ass D!" I'm kinda surprised hes actually calling me D.

"Who is d-D?"

"That's sir D to you! And he's about to teach you some manners Bard!"

"Alright then let's go." I say stretching and yawning slightly before I pull out my weapon. Yet another battle. Yay!

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

Can I get a 'that was easy' button from staples please? Ok it wasn't that easy but it wasn't exactly hard.

"The stick is ours!" Cartman cheers grabbing the stick.

"Yay!" Everyone cheers. Me giving a sorta sarcastic yay since I don't really care. Why am I doing this again?

Once back at Kupa Keep the wizard puts the stick back in the tent. "The stick is back where it belongs. Good work men! D, for all your hard work at the Giggling Donkey I here by make you an official member. Welcome to the KKK." They don't realize that there's an actual thing called the KKK do they? I mean everyone is clapping including Token so I'm guessing not. And what the hell does he mean an official member? What the fuck was I before?

"The grand Wizard needs to go night night." Mrs.Cartman says standing in the now open doorway.

"Ok mom thanks for pointing out bed time for everyone." Cartman says face palming.

"It's a school night Hun! You and your little Druid friends-"

"WE'RE NOT DRUIDS MOM! WE'RE FUCKING WARRIORS AND WIZARDS!"

"That's it! You're going to bed! The rest of you better get home too!" Mrs. Cartman says as she pulls her son away and inside, him whining as they go. 

We all look at each other before dispersing and going home. Butters and I walking together not saying a word except a mumbled goodbye as he begins going up the pass to his house. I enter my own house and I'm greeted by my parents on the couch. "Well there he is!" My dad says.

"Did you make any new friends sweetheart?" And there we go. Avoiding saying my name.

"I have a name. I'd appreciate if you'd say it so i can know what my own fucking name is.." I grumble too low for them to hear.

"Huh? What'd you say?" My dad asks. I reply but shaking my head.

"Ok we'll it's late sweety. Go on up to bed and I'll be up there to say goodnight." My mom says. I do just that, taking off all my weird thief clothing and getting dressed into my pajamas.

I climb into my bed and sure enough my mom opens my door. "Good night little man! I hope you are happy as we are! Everything is going to be better now that we're in this quite little mountain town!"

"Better than what?" I mumble just before she closes the door.

"What was that?"

"I said good night." I lie.

"Oh ok. Good night sweety."

I lay in my bed looking up at my ceiling listening to my parents begin talking. I don't know how I can hear them but I can. I think my hearing some how got better just in this one day. Or they just don't know how to be quite. Probably the latter.

"He's talking already! It usually takes him weeks to start talking!" I hear my mom say.

"Yeah I know! Is that a good or bad thing?" I hear my dad respond. 

"We'll surely it means he's getting more comfortable already right?" Mom says, not sounding so sure of herself.

"I guess. But what if it's because he's turning earlier?"

Turning? Turning into what? A vampire? Zombie? Werewolf? My thoughts are cut off by my mom gasping.

"What if he's coming of age?! That means he's either going to start being able to control it on his own, or he'll have even less control and need to be taught how to control it." DAMMIT MOTHER STOP PLAYING THE PRONOUN GAME WHAT THE HELL IS IT?

"With how things have gone in the past, it'll probably be the second one. Oh God, this isn't good. They are still after him. But do they even know his real gift?" Dad says sounding even more worried.

"I don't know. But either way we must keep him away from them."

What the fuck? What gift? What am I? I really am a freak aren't I?


	6. Aliens, Goths, and Elf Kings

**]D's POV[**

  
What just happened? What just went up my ass? WHY CANT I FUCKING TALK AGAIN!?

"Is this your first time getting Probed?" Some guy next to me asks, sounding waaaayyyy too casually for this situation. He too has his butt exposed to the weird thing that shoved something up my ass. Well tried. I simply stare at him before he continues. "Yeah it's a pain. But this is the kinda stuff you gotta put up with living in a quiet little mountain town. At least we don't have to deal with traffic."

"I'D RATHER DEAL WITH FUCKING TRAFFIC THAN GET PROBED!" I yell wiggling out of the restrains and pulling up my pants. I think I'm scarred for life.

"Hey you broke free! Kid you have incredible control over your ass hole! Get me loose too!"

"Uhhh okAAAAH WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" I yell as a weird satellite dish looking thing comes up out of my ass and points toward an alien thingy.

"You must've broke off part of the probe and now you can control it with your sphincter muscles. Pretty cool."

I look at the alien thingy on the wall and then outside this barrier thing and suddenly I'm there. "What the- oh fuck it I'm on a UFO!" I say walking over the edge of this guys barrier thing.

"I'm surrounded by some sort of force field. Go find a way to shut it off."

"Ya kinda noticed that." I mumble walking out of the room.

"Moo moo moo moo moo!" An alien shouts running over and pressing some button. I'm gonna have to fight all these aliens aren't I?

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

Ok let's recap what's happened tonight!  
Let's see I've found out I'm a total freak, I got kidnapped and probed by aliens, I can now control said probe with my ass hole, I've fought a bunch of aliens, fought a weird German zombie hobo, and I crashed a UFO. Oh yeah I also befriended Randy Marsh and watched him get probed because of my incompetence when it comes to memory games.

Wow, no wonder I'm so tired! Aw fuck I got school tomorrow too! Unless this town actually realizes 'Oh hey there's pieces of UFO every where! We should probably cancel school! Not for long but lets at least cancel it for today!' Cause lets be honest, the damn school could've been on fire mere hours before school starts and we'd still have to go. _**((I'm not still salty about this happening to me Freshman year.... Okay yes I am, that was**_ bullshit.))

Whatever. I'm sleeping.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

"D! D! It's terrible! Have you seen the news?! Here look!" The wizard King yells at me tuning into my living room in his outfit. Is that allowed at school? Or is South Park actually reasonable enough not to have school today?

I look over at the news report and see how it's about there being no school due to an earthquake last night, and a new Taco Bell is being made where the mall used to be and the crashed UFO is now. Except they seem to ignore the UFO? Alright sure seems legit! Not. But hey no school.

"Oops." I say rubbing the back of my head.

"Oops? D what did you do?!?"

"I may or may not have crashed a UFO last night.... Into the South Park mall... Oops." I explain.

"Wha- God fucking damn it D! Oh well whatever, that's not important right now! The elves cheated and took the stick last night! They're hiding out in the school!" 

"How is- never mind I've got it." I say going up stairs and into my room with Cartman following. Apparently everyone calls him by his last name. Dunno why.

"D wait. We can't just go in and do this. We need reinforcements. I need you to go recruit the goths."

"The goths? Uh ok. Where are they." I ask as I look around for all my gear.

"Princess Kenny will show you. KENNY!" The wizard shouts down the stairs.

"I'M NOT JUST COMING INTO A HOUSE I- " Kenny begins to shout before being cut off by my mom. Oh great.

"Oh hello! You must be one of my boy's friends! I think I saw a fat one already come in. But that's ok. You can too!" 

"Oh, ok." I hear Kenny say.

"Alright well I'm going back to Kupa Keep. See ya losers." Cartman says, walking back down stairs.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

  
**|•|Princess Kenny's POV|•|**

  
"Asshole." I mumble as the wizard King goes down stairs. I turn over towards D and holy crap. How can an eight year old have such hot sexy delicious abs? God I'm so gay for him. I've accepted it at this point. Partially cause I may or may not have stayed a little late thinking about him. That's creepy isn't it? I've known the guy for a day... Oh well I am known for being a perv sooo.

D finished putting on his shirt and looks over at me. "Hey. You alright?" He asks looking at me.

"Ya I'm fuck- Fine! I'm fine! He he he!" I say nervous blushing profusely and laughing awkwardly.

"Oookaaaayy. Right well let's go."

"Right." I say as we walk down stairs together.

"Bye sweetheart have fun! And remember, be back before dark!" D's mother calls.

"Bye." D replies halfheartedly. 

"You weren't kidding when you said they avoided saying your name." I say looking back at him. "Like when she came to the door she didn't even sa-"

"She said "my boy's friend" right?" He asks looking at me.

"Y-yeah. How'd you know that?"

"I heard. I have really good hearing." D replies.

"Oh ok. Well here we are." I say walking over towards the gate to where the goths hang out.

"I thought we were gonna recruit the goths?" D questions.

"We are." I say pulling out the piece of paper Cartman gave me. I hand it to D and we walk in over toward the goths.

"Who's that?"The goth with the red hair asks. I think his name is Pete.

"I think it's that new kid everyone is talking about." The chick, Henrietta replies.

"Beat it new kid this area is restricted for goths only." Michael the eldest says.

"Here." D says ignoring them and handing the paper to Pete. He reads it passes it to Henrietta, and she passes it over to Michael.

"What's this?" Michael questions looking at it.

"Read it." D says coldly.

"Join the battle of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep to fight the wicked elves. All recruits welcome." Michael reads. "Sorry Frodo we don't play Dungeons and Douchebags."

Oh no. He said Douchebags. I look over at D and see him clench his fist.

"Yeah beat it new kid. You can fuck off too Kenny." Pete says flipping his hair out of his face.

"Aw, come on, let's do it! We never do anything!" The kindergartner goth complains. What's his name? Firkle? 

"NO WAY! WE CAN'T DO WHAT THIS KID ASKS US TO DO! HE'S A CONFORMIST!" Michael counters. "Look at his clothes and his hair!"

"Yeah tell you what new kid, get the right clothes and some cigarettes and coffee and then talk to us again." Pete says.

"Yeah! If you wanna prove that you aren't a conformist then talk to us again." Michael says.

"No." D responds crossing his arms.

"No?" Henrietta questions. "What do you mean no? If your not gonna do it and continue being a fucking conformist then leave."

"No."

"Come on D let's just-" I begin before D once again says "No."

"Dude fuck off. We already told you we aren't gonna play your stupid game."

"Well then looks like I'm not leaving, because I refuse to go on your little bull shit quest just so you guys can consider helping us out." D responds coldly. He sits down criss-cross and glares at the goths.

Pete looks at D closer and his eyes widen. He looks over at his fellow goths and stutters slightly, "M-Maybe we should do it. J-Just to get these douche bags to leave us alone."

The moment I heard Pete say that I was pretty shocked. The other goths seemed to be too, especially Michael. Then I realized he included 'Douche bag' in his sentence and quickly looked over at D. He was gritting his teeth now and growled lowly at Pete. Pete scooted back and away from D slightly and gulped.

"Hey what's up with him?" Firkle questions pointing at D.

"He uh doesn't like the word... Douche bag." I respond whispering the word douche bag. However my attempt at shushing it was in vain as D quickly stands up and walks away.

"Well looks like we don't have to do that stupid game now." Henrietta says looking in the direction D went. " Unless you plan on sta-" she's cut off by D coming back over.

"Alright get up." D says surprisingly calm. A little too calm.

"Huh? No way man. We alre-" Michael begins to counter before D cuts him of with a glare and a growl. "Alright geeze, we're getting up!"

"Good. Let's g-"

"New kid! Come with us willingly or we'll have to fight you. But just so you know a fight in this stage of the game is pointless." An elf says as he walks over to us with other elves.

D lets out a very aggravated sounding sigh before considering it a bit. "Fine. You guys stay here. I'll be right back. Princess Kenny you should probably go back to Kupa Keep." D says, clearly annoyed. The goths and I nod accepting our orders.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

  
**< -<-Kyle's POV->->**

  
So Kenny has texted me yesterday saying that he'd found his, and I quote, "hot sexy soul mate whose probably the most beautiful thing on this planet." I was kinda shocked to find out it was a guy and the new kid none the less. I haven't even seen him.

All I know is that he made one of my elven citizens wet himself and that he beat up a bunch of my other citizens. I'm kinda expecting to see a really tall muscular guy. Well tall and muscular for a fourth grader. Maybe he has gotten held back a year or two or something.

Kenny just texted me updating me on what happened this morning. He also said not to call him Douchebag. I kinda feel bad for taking this new kid away from Kenny. Well not like I'm gonna start dating him but like I'm going to try and get him to join the elves.

"My lord, we have brought the new kid." One of the elves I sent out to get him says bowing.

"Good, bring him to m-" I begin before getting cut off by some guy who I guess is the new kid.

"Alright what the hell do you want?" He questions bitterly.


	7. Kyle

**< -<-Kyle's POV->->**

  
"Alright what the hell do you want?" the new kid asks with bitterness in his voice. I hear Stan growl in response. I also catch him glaring at the new kid out of the corner of my eye. I nudge him to tell him to it's cool and to knock it off.

"So, you're the new kid everyone has been talking about? What's your name."

"I some how forgot my actual name and can only remember that it begins with a D. So just call me D for now." He responds still seemingly annoyed. I don't blame him; he's probably had to explain that several times now.

I nod and continue on with what I was saying. "You're playing for the wrong side D! What did wizard fatass tell you? That we broke the rules and stole the stick last night? He's LYING!"

"Heh wizard fat ass." D chuckles lightly at my nickname for Cartman. Alright he's smart enough to dislike Cartman.

"Cartman is the one you should be fighting against. He's hiding the stick- which is cheating- and acting all betrayed and sad to get YOU to recruit more people for him." Stan adds on.

"We tracked a Twitter raven that said you are currently recruiting the goths for the wizard. Go recruit them. But bring them to US. Then we can go ransack Cartman's stupid kingdom and get the stick back once and for all." I say.

I'm about to continue when D responds. "Already recruited them. Haven't told them where to go yet though."

"Oh, well I'm trusting you to do what's right. Oh and D, if you betray us, we'll tell everybody that you're a butthole.

"Can't betray what I never was a part of." D says right as he leaves the base.

"I don't think he's gonna bring the goths to us Ky." Stan says, sighing.

"I kinda expected that to tell you the truth." I respond looking at my super best friend forever/crush.

"What'd you mean?"

"Well judging by Butters' message on Facebook yesterday, he was D's first friend. Then Kenny was his second. Both Kenny and Butters are with Cartman sadly."

"Weren't you trying to get Princess Kenny to join us though?"

"Ya but I don't think he- Er she will. Especially not now."

"Why not?"

"Nothing never mind." I say shaking my head and smiling at Stan to try and convince him every thing is cool. Which really it pretty much is. Would be cooler if he kissed me or something like that but he's dating Wendy. Plus my parents hate gays, which isn't right. But alas that's how society works. How my parents work. Which is why the only person I've told Is Kenny. He's the only one who seemed to get it at the time and now I guess I see why.

Well Stan seemed pretty open with it considering his dog is gay but I can't exactly just come out and say "Hey man I'm gay for you!" That wouldn't end well. Especially since he's clearly straight considering he's got a girlfriend.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**]D's POV[**

  
Wow they actually tried to recruit me. As if I'd leave Kenny! Oh and butters. Craig seems pretty chill too. Tweek isn't chill, quite the opposite really, but he's pretty cool. Token seems to not really give a shit half the time but really into it the other half, which is cool. Alright everyone is cool. Except Cartman. He's a dick wad.

But I mean he isn't too ba- aw who am I kidding he's a fuck nugget 98% of the time. But even so, I can't leave the others. Especially not Butters and Kenny. Kenny.

I mean the Elf King seemed pretty chill but all the other elves didn't seem to like me to much. Probably because of my entrance, and the fact that I've beaten a lot of them up. Oh well time to bring the goths to Kupa Keep.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**|•|Princess Kenny's POV|•|**

  
No no no no. Kyle I swear if you take D away from me! Ugh why is he doing this!? D won't leave me- Er us will he? I mean sure Cartman is an asshole but...

Why does the universe hate me? First I'm given this curse of never dying but also always dying, and now my crush is being taken away from me from one of my closest friends. Best friend once him and Stan get together. OTP! Speaking of OTPs, I should be working on getting Butters and Cartman together, maybe Fatass will be slightly less of an asshole then. Probably not but one can hope.

"I'm back. I also got the 'Fuck you up the ass because we're goth' group." A voice that is now all too sexy- uh I mean fucking h- familiar! Jesus get a hold of yourself!

I smile and walk over to D. "Hey. So what'd the elves want?" I ask just to clarify.

"Doesn't matter." D replies back.

I frown at his response. "What'd you mean 'doesn't matter'? Of course it does!" I say. Is he thinking about joining them? I hope not. But if he was then why'd he bring the goths here?

Maybe he's still trying to figure it out and didn't wanna lose the goths by making them wait.

"To tell you the truth I wasn't really paying attention to what they wanted." D says. I feel like he's lying but I'll drop it.

Suddenly clouds come out of no where and start pelting all of us with rain. Thunder booms and lightning flashes across the sky.

"Aw dude lame." Craig complains.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" Cartman yells.

"AHH! W-WHAT DO WE DO? TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" Tweek screams.

"Well Kyle just posted a message on Facebook asking if we can put the game on hold considering its now poring with rain." I say looking at my phone.

"Alright fine." Cartman says waddling his fat ass inside. "All of you go home! Or where ever! Just leave!"

H-home? I gulp at the thought. My brother is home and probably pissed about the rain. Same with my parents. Karen is luckily safe at a friend's house.

"Hey Kenny, wanna sleep over at my house. Butters is coming too." D asks.

"Ya sure." I say with a smile and sigh of relief. Sexy and my savior, what more could I want?

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

  
**~Butters' POV~**

  
Something tells me Kenny really doesn't wanna go home. I mean he looked really scared when Cartman told us to leave and really relieved when D asked if he wanted to sleep over. He also said he didn't want to go home and get clothes.Oh well. Who am I to judge when I too don't want to go home?

"Hi sweetie. These must be the friends you were talking about. Oh do you not have change of clothes? Didn't you take you're friend over to his house dear?" D's mom asks him. And Kenny I guess.

"Oh no I just didn't feel like going home. Kinda far to walk in the rain you see." Kenny explains.

"Oh well ok then. So what are you boys' names?" D's mom asks us.

"I'm Butters and this is Kenny." I respond for the both of us.

"Nice to meet you two! Kenny why don't you borrow some of Dov's clothes while I dry yours?" She asks. Dov?

"Oh no th-" Kenny begins but D grabs both our wrists and drags us up stairs.

"Wow I think it hurt your mom to say your name. But was that even your full name?" Kenny asks as D or 'Dov' walks over to his closet. There's still quite a few boxes around his house by the looks of things but he seems to have most of his stuff unpacked.

Dov pulls out a red t-shirt and some regular navy blue pants(Not jeans but not sweats or Pajama pants. Just pants) and hands them over to Kenny. "I don't think it is."

"Uh what are these for?" Kenny asks gesturing to the clothes in his hands.

"To wear. Just change in the bathroom down the hall if you want. Then give me your clothes and I'll give them to my mom to dry." Dov replies.

"Bu-"

"Oh just take the clothes Ken." I say rolling my eyes. Oh ya by the way, I think I've picked up on Kenny's match making thing and now I 'ship' him and Dov.

"F-fine." Kenny stutters and walks out of the room.

"Hey Butters, I have a question." Dov asks. I look over at him and tilt my head waiting for him to continue. "Well how come you wanted to be my friend when I didn't even speak a single word to you?"

"Oh uh, well first of all you saved me from that elf. And I don't know you just seemed friendly. Plus since you were new I knew you wouldn't have any friends here so I wanted to be your first." I respond with a smile.

"Mm ok fair enough. I guess Kenny wanted to be my second friend. Or he just wanted a flower. Or both." Dov says.

"What?" Kenny asks walking into Dov's room. He still had on his Orange Parka even though it was clearly soaked.

"Uh Kenny, aren't you gonna take that off?" Dov asks. He won't. He hates showing his face for some reason. _**(( I know he has taken his parka off in the show and put his hood down but Meh. My story my rules))**_

Kenny just stares at Dov for a few seconds and slowly shakes his head no. "I-I can't." Kenny stutters.

"What'd you mean you can't?" Dov asks confused.

"Kenny just doesn't like to take off his parka or show his face." I respond.

"Why is there something wrong with your face?" He asks looking at Kenny.

"Yes/No" Kenny and I say at the same time.

"Ah I get it. You're just insecure about your face aren't you Kenny." Dov ask crossing his arms.

"With good reason." Kenny mumbles.

"Come on Kenny you're gonna get a cold if you don't take that off." Dov says walking over to him. Kenny frantically shakes his head no.

"Fine. Just gimme your other clothes." He sighs taking the clothes. "Imma go-". Dov begins before stopping and freezing. He starts to twitch slightly. He's kinda just staring out his window. "*incoherent mumbling *" Dov says something I can't understand.

"Uh Dov?" Kenny questions shaking him a little. Unfortunately Dov just continues staring out at the cloudy night sky. I hear talking coming from down stairs.

"Dov honey, could you come here please?" I hear his mom call. But Dov just keeps on staring.

"Dovy my boy come here!" I hear who I assume is Dov's father call. "Dov! Come down here now!"

"Dov! Don't make us come up there and drag you down!" His mother threatens. But Dov just keeps on staring.

"DOVAHKIIN KOVU LUPO! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" His father yells. This seems to snap 'Dovahkiin' out of his trance.

Dovahkiin blinks and shakes his head. "C-coming!" He stutters. He looks at me and Kenny and shrugs before heading down stairs. I look over at Kenny and he gestures for me to follow him. We sneak half way down the stairs, just enough to hear what they're saying and partially see what's going on.

"Ok Stan, you be nice to Dovahkiin here he's really cool and has great ass muscles." I hear the voice of Randy Marsh say, aka Stan's dad.

"What?" I here Stan question horrified.

"That is a really long, weird, and kinda gross story. With aliens." I hear Dovahkiin say.

What?


	8. Sleepover madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, this originally came out like, idk 2016, actually probably sooner than that actually but I can't tell cause I evidently edited a bunch of the chapters in July of 2016. My point is FNAF was relevant and new at the time and I was invested in it to a cringey degree.

**]Dovahkiin's POV[**

Dovahkiin. Yep that's a weird ass namefor a weird ass guy. "There you are! Why didn't you come when we called you the first time or at least respond?" My dad scolds me.

"I didn't hear you." I respond. And it's not exactly a lie either. I have no idea what happened there but I guess i kinda just blanked out or something? I dunno know. 

"Oh hey it's you!" I hear the voice of the dude I saw on the UFO say. I learned his name at some point didn't I? I think it was like Randell Swamp? Marsh! Randy Marsh! Probably, Eh I'll check Facebook later.

"Huh? You already know him?" My dad asks me.

"Uh yeaaaaah..." I say"Don't ask how."

"Well ok then, me and your father are going to be going out with some new friends we made, so their kids are going to be sleeping over here as well as Kenny, and Butters ok?" My mom asks.

"Sure I guess." Not like I actually have any say in this.

"Awesome, STANLEY!" Randy calls. The kid that was standing next to the elf king and glaring comes inside with a duffel bag and a not so thrilled face. "Ok Stan, you be nice to Dovahkiin here he's really cool and has great ass muscles." Randy says, grabbing his sons shoulders and patting them before shoving him inside.

"What?" Stan asks, staring up at his dad in horror

"That is a really long, weird, and kinda gross story. With aliens." I try and explain, ignoring the concerned looks from my parents.

"Uh okaaay?" Stan says looking at me weirdly.

"Alright well you two go up stairs and we'll send the other kids up when they get here." My mom says smiling at me.

"Alright. Come on." I say walking over to the stairs. I look up to see Butters and Kenny running back up them. Oh boy.

"So your names Dovahkiin?" Stan asks as we head up stairs.

"I guess so." I respond.

"Cool. Wait, you guess so?"

"That's literally the first time my parents have called me anything other than sweetheart, champ, or some shit. Well my mom called me Dov when me, Butters, and Kenny got here but you know."

"That's pretty fucking weird dude." 

"You're telling me. Didn't I explain that earlier?"

"I may or may not have been too focused on glaring at you. Why the hell were you being such a dick anyways?" Wasn't he also being a bit of a dick? I seem to remember him being a bit of a dick.

"Yeah sorry about that, I was a bit annoyed already. The Goth kids were being a pain in the ass."

"Ah." Stan says nodding as we open the door to my room.

"IT WAS KENNY'S IDEA!" Butters yells as we walk into my room. Kenny punches Butters in the shoulder and glares at him. "Owwy!"

"THE HELL DUDE!" He yells at Butters.

"Whatever doesn't matter. Apparently this sleep over is about to get a lot bigger though. My parents made friends with other kids parents. Dunno who exactly but yeah." I say shrugging.

"Well obviously Stan's" Butters says gesturing to him.

"Yeah no shit butters." Stan responds. "We're all cool right now since we're not playing at the moment right?" He asks turning to me. "Also sorry for glaring at you earlier."

"Yeah sure, and its whatever." I say, waving him off.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

"FUCKING FREDDY FAZFUCK!" Kyle screams falling off the chair.

"HAHAHAHA THE JEW GOT SCARED BY THE STUPID GAME! ITS NOT EVEN SCARY!" Cartman laughs.

"Ok then, why don't we turn the volume all the way up, ditch the head phones and you play it then Cartman?" I challenge.

"Fine but don't be butt hurt when I beat the game." He says walking over.

Kyle unplugs the headphones and turns the volume up as high as it can go. We all crowd around and watch as Eric hits new game. So far Butters and Kyle are the only ones who have played. Butters died on night one by Bonnie and Kyle ran out of power on night two because he was using the cameras too much.

"Dude mute the call we've already heard it." Kyle complains.

"No I don't wanna."

"Just mute the call dude." Stan pesters.

"No"

"Cartman so help me I will fill your pillow with snow if you don't mute the call." Kenny threatens.

"You better not you poor fuck!"

"CARTMAN MUTE THE DANM CALL!" I yell.

"Alright! Alright! Jesus I'll mute the call." He grumbles and presses the mute call button.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

"Wow you actually made it to night two." I say surprised. Not cause making it to night two is hard but because it's Cartman.

"Of course I did. And I'll make it through night 2,3,4, and 5 too." Cartman gloats.

"Dude check on foxy." Kyle says considering Cartman hasn't even used the cameras yet.

"No, using the cameras is what killed you." Cartman responds.

"Ok but don't complain when Foxy kills you." Stan says.

"Shut up! The stupid Fox isn't gonna kill me!"

After a while of just hitting the door lights Cartman finally uses the cameras. He flicks to Pirate's Cove and Foxy is gone. Big surprise there.

"What the fuck?! Where'd he go?!?" The fatass yells.

"Check the cameras!" Butters suggests. Cartman flicks to the left hallway camera and guess what. There's good old Foxy sprinting down the hall to murder his dumbass.

"AH WHAT THE HELL!" Cartman screams. Before he can even put the camera down Foxy jump scares him, killing him, and causing him to get a game over.

"AHHHH!" We all scream, Cartman sliding off the chair. "HOLY FUCKING FOX! THAT STUPID FUCKING FOX!"

"Alright lemme try." I say walking over to the computer. Cartman moves out of the way and I sit down.

I hit 'new game' and breeze through the first and second nights with quite ease.

"Whoa dude third night! Guess the trick is to just watch Foxy and use the door lights!" Kenny says smiling.

"Mmhmm." I hum in confirmation.

I manage to make it through the third night even with Freddy coming off the stage. It was kinda harder though.

"Whoa dude. Did the phone guy just get killed?" Cartman asks after the message for night four ended.

"I think he might've." Kyle says.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure he's dead as hell." Kenny adds. Once I get to 3 Am I look at my power to see I'm still at 67%. I decide to just flick through all the cameras quickly. I stop when I see that one of the posters had changed. Instead of a picture of Freddy it was like, a yellow version of him with no eyes.

"The hell?" I question, exiting out of the cameras to see the bear is sitting slumped over in my room.

"DUDE WHAT THE HELL! BOTH YOUR DOORS ARE CLOSED!" Kyle yells, I had closed them because both Chica and Bonnie were in my doorways.

"Hey ya! So h-how'd it ge- AHHH!" Butters screams as the yellow bear jump scares us. We all scream, me pushing away from the desk and flipping it off.

"Okay what the fuck was that shit?" Cartman asks.

"I honestly have no idea, that's never happened to me before." I say, slowly putting my fingers down. "It even crashed the fucking game." I point out.

"Ok YouTube Explain!" Stan says turning down the volume, clicking on Google Chrome and then going to YouTube via the bookmark bar. He then types in "Five nights at Freddy's, yellow Freddy" giving us a bunch of stuff for "Golden Freddy." We watch a few videos and find out that it's actually a pretty rare to encounter.

"Aww man we should've recorded it with our phones or something for bragging rights." Cartman complains.

"Eh it would've been shitty quality anyways. Oh well. Here lemme try, I wanna see if I can make it farther." Stan says. I get up off the chair and roll it over to him.

He makes it past the first two nights with relative ease, but he starts to run into a bit of trouble on the third night. "Dude why is Foxy like that?!" Stan asks pointing to the screen. Foxy is all the way out of the curtain and is looking like he's about to bolt, looking at the camera with pitch black eyes and white pupils. 

"You haven't been watching him enough." I respond.

"How much do I have to check on him?" Stan asks. But before I can give an answer, we start to hear a weird breathing sound. "The hell is that?" Stan puts the camera down and gets jump scares by Chica.

"AHHHH!" We all scream. Butters ran out of my room and is now just standing in the door way shaking.

"THAT FUCKING DUCK!" Cartman yells.

"Chica is a chicken." I correct.

"He is? I thought he was a duck." Stan responds.

"Yeah Chica is a duck. She's also a girl though not a dude Stan. Rude." Cartman says.

"Yes she is a girl but she's also a chicken. I mean just think! There's Freddy Fazbear, Bonnie the bunny, and Chica the chicken. Chica the duck doesn't sound right." Kenny explains.

"True but neither does Foxy the pirate." Kyle points out. "But yeah Chica is totally a chicken, just like a baby one."

"That's a big ass baby chicken." Stan comments.

"What? But that's not a chicken! Chickens don't have teeth!" Cartman counters.

"Neither do ducks. Also it's technically Foxy the pirate Fox, not just Foxy the pirate." I say.

"Oh ok well that works better I guess." Kyle says with a nod.

"Well I don't know, I think I like Foxy the Pirate better than Foxy the Pirate fox, less of a mouthful." Butters says joining in on the conversation. "And is Bonnie a boy or a girl"

"Neither he's a rabbit." Kenny responds sarcastically.

"Wooooow Kenny that was bad." I say chuckling.

"If it was bad then why are you laughing?" Stan questions laughing a little too.

"Because I'm fucking weird. Hey wanna get on a sugar high?" I ask remembering all the sugary sweets my mom bought. I don't know why she bought a bunch of candy and cookies and stuff, especially if she knew she'd be forcing a sleepover on me. A welcomed one but still.

"Yes." Everyone responds grins coming on all their faces.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**Candy is drugs for kids, change my mind.**

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**|•|Kenny's POV|•|**

What the hell happened last night? All I remember is sleeping over at Dovahkiin's house with Butters, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman, playing Five nights at Freddy's on Dov's computer, and then eating a bunch of junk food and sugary stuff. Now I'm lying here with my head on something that's warm, comfortable, and moving. I also feel something in my hair. Wait, moving? Ok what am I sleeping on? I open my eyes and sit up, using my arms to hold myself up. Look around to find that I'm on the floor with a bunch of blankets, pillows and some sleeping bags. On further inspection I see Kyle and Stan cuddling, while Butters and Cartman are back too back. They are all sleeping though.

Ok so where is Dovahkiin? And what was my head on? I turn around and both my questions are answered, but several more form. So my head was on Dovahkiin's chest. I guess his hand was in my hair or something. So what are my new questions? Well first off, what happened last night? Second question, how are the others gonna react when they wake up? And third and finally, WHY THE FUCK DOES DOVAHKIIN HAVE GRAY WOLF EARS AND A TAIL?!?

What should I do? Do I wake him up before the others wake up? Or do I just wait till he wakes up, pretend I saw nothing and hope none of the others awaken?Or should I just pet him? That seems like a good option right? Yeah you know what I'm just gonna play with his ears and hope he doesn't wake up. I poke one of the ears and it twitches.

Oh my fucking god he's cute now. HOW CAN SOME ONE BE SO HOT AND ADORABLE AT THE SAME TIME?!?!?!? It's not fair! I mean I'm over here with a not attractive face with weird hair while- wait. FUCK MY HOODS DOWN! I stop petting Dovahkiin's ears and look around frantically for my parka.

I hear a yawn from besides me and I instantly freeze. I slowly look over to Dovahkiin and see him rubbing his eyes. He blinks them a few times then looks around a bit. Oh yeah that's right! He wears glasses! He probably needs them to see! Maybe I could-

"Woah, Kenny?"Fuck.

"H-hey." I say looking away from him. The ceiling is particularly interesting today.

"You don't have your parka on! Cool. Hey what's wrong?" He questions.

"Isn't it obvious? I don't have my parka on. Every one can see my face. You can see my face." I respond. I can feel tears threatening to fall.

"So? That's good then, every one can see how hot you are." Dovahkiin says.

I feel a blush sweep over my face. "W-w-what? D-did you just say I was hot?" I question; confusion, embarrassment, shock, and joy all mixing into one.

I look back over at Dov, to see he's put his glasses back on, he's blushing like crazy, and covering his mouth. His new wolf ears are flattened and his tail is curled around him as if he knows he's done something wrong. He slowly takes his hand away from his mouth and looks away from me. "Y-Yeah. I did. Look Kenny I know this is weird, and not normal but I... I think I like you." Dov admits.

My eyes widen and I can feel my face heat up even further before a smile forms on my face. I then proceed to pounce on Dovahkiin and kiss him.

"Mm!" He gasps but slowly begins to kiss me back. Ah so this is what people mean when they say sparks fly.

"Eeek! Hu? Woooooah what happened?" I hear Kyle say, and thank god it's only Kyle. I pull away from a very flustered Dovahkiin and look turn to Kyle.

"Dude seriously? You totally just ruined the moment!" I say with a pout. "Oh also, you're cuddling with Stan." I point out smirking.

"Ok first off, sorry, second off, fuck you, and third, why does Dovahkiin have ears and a tail?" Kyle... Says words some in a question format... Yeah.

"What?" Dovahkiin questions patting the top of his head and looking down and grabbing his tail. "What in the actual fuck!?"

"Oh yeah those. Dovahkiin you have wolf ears and a tail." I say

"Yeah no kidding!"

"Sweet. But uhh, how and why?" Kyle asks. "Eeek!" He squeals as Stan raps his arms around his waist and pulls him back down. Funny thing is, Stan is some how still asleep.

But Butters isn't. "Ah! What happened? AHH! Eric! Ahh! Ears! Ahh! Style!" Butters shrieks. He crawls away from Cartman and into the middle of the blankets and shit.

"Ah Kenkiin!" Kyle mocks Butters pointing to me and Dov.

"AAAHH! I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!" Dovahkiin yells pointing forward, pretty much towards all of us. Ok THAT woke up Stan and Cartman. Stan still has his arms around Kyle though.

"What the fuck dude?!" Cartman yells.

"STYLE! OTP OTP OTP!" Me and butters chant pointing at Stan and Kyle.

"Wha- oh geeze sorry Ky!" Stan says letting go. Both him and Kyle are blushing like crazy.

"I-It's fine" Kyle replies. "WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP! ITS KENKIIN THAT'S BECOME CANNON!"

"Huh? It has?" Butters asks looking at me and smirking. Crap.

"Yes no maybe so." I say crossing my arms and blushing while Dovahkiin responds similarly with a "Maybe."

"CALLED IT!" Cartman yells.

"No you didn't." Stan counters.

"Yeah I did! I called it in my mind! I also called you and Kahyl and look what happened."

"Dude nothing happened!" Kyle yells blushing.

"Oh ya suuu- WAIT! Why does Dovahkiin have ears and a tail?!?" Cartman asks.

"I DON'T KNOW! HALLLP!" Dovahkiin screams.

"No can do we gotta get home so we can kick your guy's ass. Come on Stan let's go!" Kyle says getting up and grabbing his stuff which we apparently brought down here. Once they get all their stuff they bolt.

"USE A CONDOM!" Dovahkiin yells after them.

We burst out laughing. "Hey wait a minute! They're getting a head start! We gotta move! I'm going home you guys get ready!" Cartman says getting his stuff and heading out.

"Imma go too. Hopefully my mom dried off my costume. Later!" Butters says leaving me and Dovahkiin alone. Oh dear. This isn't gonna be awkward now is it?


	9. War at the School

**]Dovahkiin's POV[**  
So me and Kenny are a thing now. How'd we settle that? Definitely not by making out more. Yeah I know we're only in 4th grade but I think we're gonna last. Oh yeah, Randy came up to me randomly, said some random bullshit that I only half payed attention to, and taught me the "Sneaky squeaker" which is another 'spell' aka a fart. He then sent me to investigate the 'Taco Bell' which I don't know why he doesn't realize is the UFO. I mean he had to have seen the damn thing crash at the least.

But whatever. What's important is that I got this information about how these government dudes are gonna blow up like half of South Park. Why? Because apparently the UFO leaked a bunch of goo that turns people into fucking Nazi Zombies, because why not! Oh yeah! I've got wolf ears and a tail now because I don't know why. And even more hyped up senses. They are hard to hide. Well not the senses but a tail and ears? Uh yeah kinda hard.

I just gotta make sure no one pulls down my hood or pats my back. Hiding my tail in my shirt probably wasn't the best idea but cramming it into my pants didn't sound very comfortable. I also used my teleporting alien ass thing for the first time outside of the UFO. Apparently I can bring people with me. Had to explain that to Kenny.

Kenny and I battle through the nazi zombie guys and head over to the PSA building thing cause I don't know why there are people there but there are. I give it to Randy and he rewinds it a bit before playing it. Luckily the adults are smart enough to shut up and listen, unluckily Randy didn't rewind all the way so they only heard the last couple of minutes. Still got the blow up most of the town part but yeah, kinda missed the whole Nazi zombie UFO bit.

"This isn't an ordinary Taco Bell their building. This is some sort of Mega Taco Bell!" Randy says beginning to ramble on about Doritos tacos and allowing them to take over South Park yada yada yada. I pretty much zoned out from the moment he said it was just a massive Taco Bell because I'm already done with the bullshit. I've been here for what, two, three days now? And yet I'm already picking up on the adults and their idiotic bullshit. 

While me and my lovely Princess are on our way back to Kupa Keep, I turn to him to ask, "Kenny why are half the people in this town oblivious and or idiotic?" 

"Dunno" he responds with a shrug. He looks up at the sky and stops. He looks to be in thought.

"Uh Ken?"

"Wanna pass by Kyle's and yell 'Style is cannon' just to fuck with them?" Kenny asks.

I smirk and reply with "Hell yeah."

We go to Kyle's house and see that he's beginning to lead his elves out of their kingdom.

"Wait how about you do the Style thing and I'll do the asdf movie thing where I just run by and say 'you're fat'" I suggest.

"Sure we're both gonna have to be really fast though." Ken responds before turning to me with a big grin. "Let's do this."

**- >->Kyle's POV<-<-**

  
"So let's get back the stick!" I say and turn around to begin our march to the school. Just as I turn around Kenny- ah hem- Princess Kenny, runs by chanting "STYLE IS CANNON! STYLE IS CANNON!"

"What the fu-" before Stan can finish his statement Dovahkiin also runs by.

"YYYYOU'RE FAT!"

"I LIKE TRAINS!" I yell after them. Sadly a train didn't hit them. I can hear them laughing as they run off towards their stupid little kingdom ruled by Wizard Fat ass.

"W-w-what the f-fuck was that?" Jimmy questions.

"Kenkiin" Stan and I say simultaneously.

"Any ways let's go." I say, and this time we actually begin to make our way towards the school.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**|•|Princess Kenny's POV|•|**

  
So Dovahkiin is a commander now. Sweet. That means I'm dating a commander. Though I guess a princess should date a prince but no matter. I don't live by the rules anyways. Also apparently the elves are hiding the stick in the school so we're at the school now, ironic considering we'd ordinarily have left school a few hours ago by now on most days.

"DEFENDERS OF FREEDOM!" Wizard Eric yells, "I THANK YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE AND YOUR AUDACITY IN JOINING OUR FIGHT! To night we are no longer the humans or the goths. Tonight we UNITE AS ONE!" 

"I feel like such a homo sapient right now." Michael complains. The fuck does that mean?

"THE HUMANS ARE HERE!" An elf yells as another blew their horn. Hehe blew their horn hehe. I'm so perverted.

"Ooo they blew their horn! Blow ours Butters!" Cartman orders. I manage to stifle my giggles. Butters does as he's ordered and blows our horn. "GUYS FLANK LEFT! GOTH KIDS PREPARE TO ATTACK FROM BEHIND!" First Butters blew our horn, now the goths are coming from behind. Come on now, this is just free real estate at this point.

We all rush forward and begin our attack. "They've barricaded the entrance. The elves are up to their old Jew tricks again! Find another way in. Take the barricade out from behind." Cartman orders. Me, Dovahkiin, and Butters nod and head towards the back of the school.

"Ow! I heart my fucking ankle! Ow it hurts like shit!" Pete whines.

"Butters." Dovahkiin says gesturing over to Pete. Butters nods and helps Pete.

"Hey I'm healed, except on the inside." Pete says shocked. Oh well uh ok. "We locked it so nobody else could get in. Here." Pete informs us as he unlocks the door.

"I'm guessing this is all you're gonna do?" Dovahkiin questions.

"We cleared the way to the door, you do the rest." Henrietta replies.

"Go kick some ass Sir dickwad." Michael says waving us off. At least he remembers not to call him Douchebag in any way shape or form.

"K. Let's go guys." Dovahkiin says walking into the cafeteria.

**|||||||||||||||||||||**

**~Butters' POV~**

  
Dovahkiin, Kenny and I manage to make it through to the basement. Kyle has been trying to get us to switch over. Well its more like he's been trying to get either Dovahkiin to switch over and/or get us to surrender.

"Stay back you guys! Something is seriously wrong with the hall monitors!" Eric warns us as we come down the stairs. How'd he get ahead of us?

"Help.... Please"

"That's Gary Nelson!" I say as I run over to try and help him.

"Don't touch him he's ginger!" Eric scolds.

We all ignore Eric's warning and gather around him anyways. "We came to school the day after the earthquake to report for duty." He informs us. "We didn't know school had been cancelled!" He pauses to cough a little, "We heard a sound from down here, found this green goo. It was everywhere. It... Changed the other hallway monitors." They've been down here for two days now? _**((This here is me acknowledging what I can now see is a major plot hole, but being too lazy to actually fix**_ it.))

"Serves you right for being a pansy ass hallway monitor in the first place." Eric counters.

"Dude not cool." Dovahkiin retorts.

"Something in the goo...it.... It..." Gary says as he struggles to get up and walk away, he's not looking too good. He's kinda looking a bit green, literally! After taking a few steps he turns around he starts speaking another language.

"AHGGAHG! SOME HOW THAT GOO MAKES HALLWAY MONITORS EVEN LAMER!" The grand wizard says as he runs back up the stairs.

"Wow he can actually run. Amazing." Dovahkiin says as he looks up the stairs. Kenny and I laugh in response. The zombie Gary starts to walk towards us. "Woah woah woah ok fight time!" Dovahkiin says as the zombie begins to attack.

**||Don't forget to bring a towel||**

**]Dovahkiin's POV[**

  
After fighting multiple zombies, a few rats, and some weird sentient goop, we make it through the basement and back into one of the hallways. We go into the main entrance area to be met by Stan and a few other elves.

"We're breached! Get to your battle stations!" Stan orders as he runs up to some catapult looking things.  
"Hey Dovahkiin! Let's see how you like some flaming hot dog shit!"

"Umm yeah no thank you!" I say as I dodged the one he just hurled at me. I kick the barrier and it breaks in half and hits one of the elves on the other side.

"Damn it elves hold the line!" Stan orders as he hurls more dog crap at us. I see one of the weird alien things and teleport us up to the banister. "Woah what was that? You can't hide Dovahkiin!"

We then proceed to sneak down to the other side. "There they are!" Stan says. "I've got plenty of dog shit DovahDick"

"Oh wooow real clever." I comment as I kick a second barrier. Unfortunately this ones made of metal so it doesn't do shit. After looking around and dodging flaming crap for half a second, I get an idea. I squish myself up against the barrier as much as I can.

He hits it, but he also hit Butters a little as well. "Alright now that your barrier is on fire..." I say as I use the cup o' spell on it. It blows up knocking out the elves that were holding it up. "... Kaboom!"

"This isn't over!" Stan says as he runs away.

"Good work! Dovahdick man the catapult and let our men through the front door. Everyone fall in!" The wizard orders.

"Oh you heard that did you? Fantastic!" I say sarcastically. I fire the catapult at the door setting the barrier on fire. Once I do that I walk over to the door to go after Stan.

"Hey wait a minute! Use your magic to take out the barrier!"

"You do it grand wizard fat ass!" I retort. "I'm a thief remember? Magic is not my specialty!"

"It's not supposed to be but you're still really good at it!" Butters counters.

"Whose side are you on?" I retort as I turn to open the door. "Later fat ass!"

"I'm not fat!" I ignore him and attempt to open the door. Locked. Ok this is why I carry around a paper clip."Ha! See you need Craig to open the door for you!"

And done! "Nope. Again I'm a thief." I respond as I open the door. Where did I learn to pick a lock you ask? No idea. Maybe the same place I learned archery? 

Once we walk through the door we are met by Stan ordering more elves to run up stairs. "This ends here." Stan says as he turns around. "Wolf brother hear my call!" He then whistles.

"Geeze ok loud!" I say as a dog walks up to Stan's side.

"Huh? Oh right sorry dude."

  
**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

"I'm pretty sure it ends somewhere up there." I say with a smirk as Stan 'dies.' We head up stairs, help Tweek, battle through all the elves until we make it to the fourth grade class room.

Cartman opens the door, (how the fuck does he keep showing up wherever we are?) and starts making demands, "Hand over the stick Jew King."

"The stick doesn't belong to a fat, RACIST, LIAR!" Kyle yells back.

"Alright Kyle you fucking asked for it. Go ahead and kick his as Dovahkiin."

"Dov, Cartman is using you! Can't you see it? He's a manipulator!"

"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE DOVAHKIIN PICKED US AS FRIENDS OVER YOU KYLE!"

"You've got one last chance Dov, turn around and fight Cartman! Do the right thing!" The right thing? I... What is happening? What is this? Mom? Dad? Did I do something wrong? But what did I do?

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**< -<-Kyle's POV->->**

  
Dovahkiin starts to sway back and forth and mumbling incoherently."Dovahkiin? You alright dude?"

"What did I do wrong?" he murmurs.

"Kyle what the fuck did you do?!?" Cartman yells at me.

"I didn't do anything!"

Suddenly Dovahkiin just falls backwards. "DOVAH!" Kenny yells and pushed past Cartman and kneels down next to Dov. Butters attempts to heal Dovahkiin with his healing touch but it's not working. He attempts to use a revive but that doesn't work with. Probably because he legit passed out.

"Woah the hell happened here?" One of the goth kids questions as they walk in. I think his name is Pete.

"Dumbasses Pete that's-oh shit." Another goth says coming in. He looks at the desks. "Hey you said that he was hiding the stupid stick in his desk right?"

"Yeah and?" Cartman responds.

"Our desks don't have insides." I think his name is Michael says.

"What?" Cartman asks.

"Hey that's right! Desks at this school just have table tops." The girl goth Henrietta informs.

"But Twitter said-"

"This desk has writing on it though." The little goth, Firkle says.

"Check my locker." Michael reads.

"Whose desk is that?" I ask.

"That's... That's Clyde's desk." Cartman responds.

"Ok that's fucking fabulous but if you haven't noticed, my fucking boyfriend has passed out!" Kenny yells at us.

"Boyfriend?" Everyone who wasn't at the sleepover question.

"Yeah fucking deal with it!" Kenny yells at them.

"Well you should probably take him home considering he's passed the fuck out." Pete says.

"Well alright. Come on Kenny let's go." Butters says grabbing onto his legs.

"Holy fucking heavy!" Kenny says as he attempts to lift him.

"Ugh here let's help them out Pete. We've got nothing better to do." Michael says. He and Pete then grab a limb each, while Kenny does the same.

"Holy crap how can he be this heavy and not be really fat?" Pete complains as they pick him up and start moving out the door.

"Probably muscle." Kenny responds.

As they head to Dovahkiin's house, we head for Clyde's locker, picking up Stan on the way. Once there, Craig opens the locker and pulls out a lap top. We open it and find that it's a video of Clyde.

"He has the stick!" Cartman yells. Clyde then goes on about being kicked out of Kupa Keep and blaming Dovahkiin. He also talks about making his own kingdom and raising an army using the green stuff. After the video ends we head toward his house. Once in Clyde's backyard we find a massive, kinda cool looking, base. Wait, where did Craig disappeared to? Weird he's not known for being chicken.

"Come and get it losers!" Clyde says laughing evilly.

"You can't do that Clyde you're lost in time and space!" Cartman yells.

"No I'm not!"

"Yeah you are asshole!"

"Hey wait where's douchebag?"

"His name is Dovahkinn and he's Uhhh sick!" Stan yells back.

"Whatever. Army of darkness! Defend the fortress!" A bunch of kids come out along with...

"Craig? Craig your on my side!" Cartman yells.

"How'd he get ahead of us?" Henrietta questions.

"You don't have authority anymore, the keeper of the stick said so." Craig responds.

"This can't be happening." I say.

"GOD DAMMIT I DO TO HAVE AUTHORITY!" Cartman yells

"Sorry warriors and wizards, I'd love to invite you into my fortress of Darkness but I'm afraid you're TOO LATE!" Clyde announces. As if we'd join him.

"Too late? What'd you mean we're too late?" Stan asks.

"Oh shit it's passed our bed time." Cartman says checking his phone.

"Dude I'm gonna get it!" I cry as we all run off towards our homes.


	10. Underpants Gnomes

**]Dovakiin's POV[**

  
I remember, well kinda. I'm not normal, that's for sure. The government wants me for my power. What's my power? Well I can turn Into a wolf. No I'm not a werewolf I'm something else. What though I don't know. But that's not what worries me. The problem is, I can't control it and I've attacked and injured so many people because of it. I think I may have even killed someone before. But I'm not sure. It's all still kinda fuzzy. All I can remember from those times is getting mad and blacking out. I then would wake up in a different place with blood on my hands and face. Soon after that we would move and I'd forget and the cycle would continue. Well either that or the government would find us. But I don't want to move this time and I sure as hell don't want to hurt anyone else. I really like these guys! And Kenny. Kenny. I'm not running away this time. I'm not gonna lose control. I will- what the fuck is that?

"Time to go to work! Work all night! Search for underpants Hey! We won't stop until we have underpants! Yum tum tummy tum tayyy" high pitched voices sing. Ok where am I? I open my eyes to find I'm in my room. Ordinarily I would be questioning how but right now I want to know what the hell those voices are. I look to see that weird little gnome things, stealing my underwear?

"First aliens and now this?" I grumble as I get out of bed.

"Oh shit he's awake!" The one at the top screams.

"What!?"

"This kid is awake! What the fuck do we do?!?"

"Oh fuck! I guess we're gonna have to kill him!"

"Oh great I'm gonna have to fight you guys?" I groan.

"Woah he's got ears!"

"Aw fuck is it another one of those!?"

"What? Another? What do you mean another!?" I yell at them.

"Shit! Warlock! You gotta shrink him if we want to stand a chance!" One of the gnomes yells. Suddenly a weird, well weirder, looking one throws some powder at me and I'm shrunken down to their size.

"What the hell? What'd you do!?" I yell at them, only getting war cries as a response. Ah shit here we go again.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

I defeat the weird tiny underwear thieves with relative ease.

"Holy shit run!" One of them shouts as they run away, two of them are still just laying on the floor though. Did I kill them? Oops. Well so much for the not hurting anyone thing. Though, I'm not sure these guys count all considering. No time to contemplate that though, I gotta get them to unshrink me! I follow them into the mouse, er gnome hole in the wall. After killing a rat, which was twenty times more terrifying at this size, I continue forward and find a vent.

"I just sometimes feel like we should tell him the truth. I mean look what it's done to him! He's gonna find out everything if they show up again! He'll remember, he'll get mad, he'll turn and then we'll have to move again!" I hear my mom say. I look through the vent. As I expected, it's my parents room.

"Why?! It's better if we just wait for him to remember! Besides, they won't be able to find us again!" My dad argues.

"But if he does discover it on his own, then won't he be angry?"

"It's fine. As long as they don't find us they can't use him! They won't get to use him as a weapon like they want to. As long as we keep everything secret we'll be fine."

"I'm so frazzled. Won't you just make love to me?" Oh god please no.

"Of course I will darling."

Ok I'm leaving that. I travel through the walls, battling rats, and ignoring the sounds as best I can until I come out at a lights switch. Oh god why?!? My eyes! They burn! Parents having, AHAHAHAHH!

I walk over to the gnomes looting my parents' drawers."Oh shit the kid is still following us!"

"Uh yeah! You fucking shrunk me, and now have also caused me to be scarred for life." I respond, gesturing to the bed.

"So you're not gonna stop until you get big again? That means he's after you warlock!" Another gnome says.

"What!? Ah fuck!" The warlock says running away.

"Thanks for the tip!" I say sarcastically as I follow after the warlock. And he's on the bed and underneath my parents. Oh god whyyyyyyy!!!!???

**||||||||The Next Day||||||||**

  
**|•|Princess Kenny's POV|•|**

  
I quickly run over to Dovahkiin's house, after avoiding my family members and their bullshit. Well except for my little sister of course. As I make it down the street I spy Butters walking out of his house quickly.

"Oh hey Princess Kenny! What are you doing here so early?" Butters asks me.

"I was gonna see if Dov was ok." I say trying to catch my breath.

"Oh ok. I was about to do that too. Let's go." Butters says. We walk next door to Dovahkiin's house and knock.

"Coming!" A male voice says. Dovahkiin's dad then opens the door. "Oh hello boys!" He greets with a smile, looking at me a bit weirdly.

"Hello! We were just coming over to see if Dovahkiin was feeling better and if he could come out and play with us today." Butters says.

"Oh well he's doing better but I'm not sure he-"

"I'm fine! I'm gone hi goodbye let's go!" Dovahkiin says pushing past his dad and dragging us away.

"Wha-Dovahkiin! Argh oh well." His father calls after him before giving up and closing the door. Dova looks back and let's go of mine and Butters arm. He turns and gives a sigh of relief. Once he looks up I envelope him in a hug. He seems confused at first but slowly raps his arms around me anways.

"What happened last night Dova?" I ask pulling away.

"Oh ummm I'm not sure. I just kinda r-...." He begins but stopped.

"You just what?" Butters asks.

Dovahkiin hesitates before responding with, "I remembered a bunch of stuff." He then looks away.

"Is that why you bolted and dragged us away right now?" I ask. Dovahkiin's eyes widen and he shivers.

"N-no I just.... Gnomes stealing underwear. Parents having sex. Noooooo!" Dovahkiin responds walking away at a fast pace.

"What?" Both me and Butters ask very confused.

"Oh hey watch this!" Dovahkiin says changing the subject. He pulls out a weird bag and sprinkles powder on his head. Did he just shrink?

"Woah! Where do you keep getting all this stuff?" Butters asks.

"Uh teleport thing was Aliens, this was gnomes, and ears... well I don't really get that yet. Bed time is really weird." Dovahkiin responds growing back to full size.

"Riiiight well we are meeting at the Elven forest today because of the whole Clyde situation. Wait you don't know about that. Uh ok so basically Clyde got all pissed that Eric banished him, he cheated and took the stick and now he has not only the stick but also a giant army." I explain.

"Wow well ok let's go." We head over to Kyle's and wait for everyone else to show up. Eventually everyone gets here and Kyle starts talking about the plan and how humans and elves need to unite. Cartman complains, Kyle reasons with him with the help of Stan, as always. And of course Dovahkiin has to do shit and go get the girls to join us.

Also surprisingly the goths are still here. "Uh Michael, Stan why don't you go with Dovahkiin?" Kyle suggests. What?

"Oh uh, Okay." Stan says, sounding kinda shocked.

"Um how about hell no." Michael replies, seemingly surprised that he was spoken to at all.

"Umm how about yes? You Dovahkiin and Stan go get the girls. Go on!" Kyle orders.

"Okaaay? Let's go guys." Dovahkiin says walking off. Michael and Stan follow him. Once they're gone I turn and glare at Kyle.

"Dude what the hell?" I growl crossing my arms.

"Don't worry about it. Firkle!"

"What?"

"You know my little brother right? Go get him. Henrietta go with him." Kyle orders.

"Umm why are you-"

"Come on, follow me." Kyle says dragging me off towards his house, grabbing Pete along the way.

"Woah woah hey! What's the big deal?!" He complains. Kyle ignores his complaints and drags us up into his bedroom.

"Ok what the hell is going on?" I ask.

"We all know exactly what's going on. Well to some extent. Just think of the people I sent off and think of the people in here. I would've sent off Cartman too but he wouldn't listen to me."

"You sent off Raven, Dovahkiin, Michael, Firkle, and Henrietta. What of it?" Pete asks.

"Oh right, take the last two out of the equation."

"Umm could it be Dovaken, Style and... I have no clue what that ship name would be." I guess.

"Yep! Pete likes Michael, I like Stan, and you're pretty much dating Dovahkiin. Butters has a crush on Eric, but since he's not gonna listen to me, we can't really plot or count on sending him away." Kyle explains. Kinda.

"How the fuck did-"

"You're obvious thats how." Me and Kyle respond, cutting Pete off.

"Ok so what are we doing?" Pete asks with an annoyed huff, looking away from us. Ah, he's one of those types~ Easily embarrassed but acts all tough about it.

"First seeing what's wrong with Tweek. If it's because of Craig, then we get Craig back, if not we see what we can do." Kyle responds.

"Operation Creek!" I yell.

"Yeah sure whatever" Pete responds with a shrug.


	11. Operation Creek Part 1

**#*#Tweek's POV#*#**  
Craig. He left us for Clyde. My suspicions were right. He likes Clyde. Or is he even gay? Probably not. He probably doesn't even like me as a friend! Why? Why do I have to like him? WHY IS THIS STUPID CRUSH SO MUCH PRESSURE GAAAAH.

"Hey Tweek!" Kyle calls walking over to me with Kenny and Pete in tow. Kenny I get but why is Pete here?

"Agh h-hey guys! W-what's up?" I ask twitching a little. Okay a lot, but when aren't I?

"Just wanted to know if you were ok. You seemed a little down last night. And today too." Kyle responds. They can't know. They won't understand. Kenny might but...

"Y-ya I'm f-f-fine." I stutter.

"No your not. You're depressed, and are reconsidering life's purpose and the choices you've made." Pete responds. Well he's not wrong on the depressed part. I'm also reconsidering some of the choices I've made. Or the ones I didn't make I guess. But I don't say that. No. I just look away fighting back the tears.

"It's Craig isn't it? It's cause he changed sides huh?" Kenny asks. That's what broke me. I started crying.

"Come on let's go inside, we can talk more privately in my room." Kyle says leading me inside and up stairs.

"W-why'd he do it?" I ask knowing full well they know even less than me.

"I don't know Tweek. I honestly don't know." Kenny responds. "But I'm gonna find out! Come on Pete! Let's go get Craig!"

"Hang on a minute Ken we gotta figure out a plan first!" Kyle says.

"Don't worry about it. You two stay here. Me and Kenny got this. I owe him for flipping me off anyways." Pete replies.

"W-wait a minute! Y-y-you guys aren't s-serious are you? This is I-insane! Too much Pressure!" I yell pulling at my hair.

"Woah geeze chill Tweek! Don't worry! We've got this! We'll get him back without a black eye!" Kenny says.

"We will? Ow! Ok yeah we will." Pete says getting kicked by Kenny.

Craig. Do I even want to know why you left?

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**_|_Craig's POV_|_**

  
"Aww come on dude! Bros before... Shit that doesn't work in this situation... Uh best friends before boyfriends!" Clyde attempts to reason.

"You know he's not my boyfriend. Probably hates me now." I respond gloomily.

"Aww come on that's not true! Ok umm you know what? How about I let him join us? Yeah?"

"He won't though. You know what he's like! He'd get too scared that which ever side he didn't choose would get mad at him and then he'd stop playing to avoid getting hated. It took hours to convince him to even play at all."

"Whatever. I order you to go walk off all this gloominess! Go cheer up by flipping people off or something! Do whatever you need to do."

"Kay" I get up and leave Clyde's house. I just start walking in a random direction. As I'm passing the Abortion clinic I notice a bunch of girls surrounding it. I also notice Dovahkiin in a wig, dress, and makeup. Stan's trying to hold in his laughter and Michael is just face palming looking like he doesn't want to be there. Probably doesn't. See now that's the other reason I regret leaving. Now I'm up against Dovahkiin. Why'd I even leave? Well Clyde some how convinced me by saying Cartman no longer had authority, he had an awesome base, and he said I'd be his right hand man and be able to order people around. Not him but others.

But Tweek. He probably hates me now. I don't blame him. I continue walking around until-

"CRAIG TUCKER! YOU GET YOUR TRAITOROUS HEART BREAKER ASS OVER HERE!" The voice of an angry Kenny yells at me. Oh no. I look up to see a very pissed Princess Kenny and a rather angry Pete as well. Fuck. If I turn back, I face Dovahkiin who will surely catch on and attack me. If I go forward or don't move I face a pissed off Kenny and Pete, both who look like they mean business. You know what I think I'd rather take my chances with Dovahkiin.

Alas I took too long to decide and I'm now being grabbed by Kenny who drags me behind one of the buildings.

"Alright why'd you do it?" Kenny asks throwing me down. He may not really look it but Kenny is actually pretty strong. And when he's legit really angry, it's best to avoid him.

"I-I don't know what you mean." I say crossing my arms.

"You know full fucking well what he means. So why'd you ditch us for the horribly cliché evil villain Clyde?" Pete questions.

"Reasons."

"Reasons enough to have to go up against us? Reasons enough to leave Tweek?" Kenny asks. Shit. That hurt. And to be honest the answer is no but I did it anyway. Why? Because I'm stupid. I stay silent and look at my feet, avoiding eye contact. "Didn't think so. So why don't you come back? Come back to us. To Tweek." Kenny offers.

"I can't" I respond. "I can't go back."

"Why not?" Pete asks.

"You wouldn't get it. I just can't!" If I go back I have to face him. See how much I hurt him by leaving. See how much he hates me. Hear his cries full of hate and confusion but never see because he'd run away the moment he felt my presence. But it's not just that. No I'm not selfish. In afraid of just how far Clyde will go if I'm not there to influence his decisions. To hold him back. And if he finds out that the reason I ditched him was for Tweek? I don't even want to think about what he'd do.

"We would if you'd tell us!" Kenny counters.

"I'm scared ok!?" I yell. "I'm scared of what Clyde might do! Scared of what Tweek might say! Scared of what Clyde might do to Tweek if he finds out he's the reason I switched sides again!"

"Oh come on! What's the worst he could do?" Pete responds.

"See! You don't get it! If Clyde gets something that can make his job easier then he'll use it no matter what the cost is. No matter what the consequences are he'll take it as long as it doesn't hurt him directly!"

"That doesn't really matter when you have someone like Dovahkiin." Pete says.

"Wait, what do you know about Dovahkiin?" Kenny asks. "And how do you know?"

"More than you'd think. For instance I know for a fact he's not normal." Pete explains.

I automatically start to think back to the time at the giggling Donkey. No he's not normal. But how weird is he? "How so?" I question.

"Kenny, you've seen him without a hood or helmet on right? You guys had a sleepover?"

Kenny nods in response. "And?"

"He had ears didn't he. Wolf ears. Coming out of his head? Heightened senses?"

"Ok that's just ridiculous! I mean- Kenny your kidding." I begin to protest before I notice Kenny shuffling uncomfortably.

"I mean, it wasn't till morning that he- but wait how did you know!?"

"Sensed it. Guessed a little." Pete responds with a shrug.

"Oh you guessed it did you? How the hell do you do that? And what do you mean sensed it?" I question. I mean seriously how do you guess that he has wolf ears? And like specifically work.

"I was able to guess cause I've heard about people like him. And by sensed I mean, well sensed. And smelled because..." Pete cuts himself off.

"Because what?" Kenny interrogates.

"I-nothing."He responds.

"Doesn't sound like nothing." I counter.

"I'm a Hell hound hybrid ok!" Pete shouts.

"A what?" Me and Princess Kenny ask simultaneously.

"Some times I turn into a dog fox thing that looks like it's like on fire. There's more to it than that and it doesn't happen often. I do occasionally get the whole ears and tail thing though." Pete explains.

"Ooookaaaay so you still wanna stick with Clyde and have to face a hell hound hybrid, and Dovahkiin? Or you wanna come back with us?" Kenny questions.

"I think I'd rather take the risk of Clyde attacking than the Risk of facing you guys in battle." I respond getting up. I then follow Kenny and Pete to the Elven forest.

**|||||||||||||Meanwhile||||||||||||||**

**]Dovahkiin's POV[**

  
"What do you mean you gave an abortion to my dad? How does that work?" Stan asks me very confused as we step out of the now pretty much destroyed abortion clinic. I ditched the girly crap. Yeah the girls that we're supposed to be recruiting are sending us on a wild goose chase to 'find the two-faced bitch.' 

"I really don't want to talk about it. It was not pleasant what so ever." I respond. So now we are heading back over to the girls to try and figure out what to do now.

What's been bugging me is that I was able to smell Craig, Kenny, and Pete a little while ago. Their scents faded pretty quickly. Wonder if they were fighting? Craig may be a traitor but he still seems pretty cool. I'm also curious about Pete because he seems to know something. He also seems different from the other Goths in a way. And just different in general, like aside from the goth thing more like i don't know how I'm different I guess? Basically he smells weird. 

We find Annie and she blindfolds us and takes us to the really girly hideout. Once there, I hand the documents that I stole from the clinic over to Wendy.

"These are in a different language." Wendy says, shuffling through them.

"Yeah no shit. What do you want us to do about it?" Michael sarcastically asks.

"Try to translate it to English."

"Uh how are we supposed to do that?" Stan asks.

"I don't know, it's not our problem." Bebe responds.

"Sparkle!"

"Sunshine!"

And we are kicked out again. "I swear if we have to go there again after we get it translated, I'm going to shove some sparkle and Sunshine up their asses." Michael complains as we walk back towards Kyle's house to see if any of them recognize the language. 

"Yeah that is getting pretty annoying." Stan agrees.

"I glitter that statement." I say with a smirk.

"Oh god please don't." Stan responds.

**||||||||||||Back to Creek||||||||||||**

**#*#Tweek's POV#*#**

Kyle called a mini meeting for whoever was around. I don't know what it's about but here I am sitting and looking up at him waiting for him to begin.

"I have gotten a Message from Princess Kenny, Stan, and Henrietta updating us on their current tasks. Firkle and Henrietta have recruited the mini pirates. Dovahkiin, Michael, and Stan are coming back here as we speak to get some assistance on a task the girls gave them. Apparently the girls are being very difficult. As for Princess Kenny and Pete-" Kyle announces just as Kenny walks outside. Pete is close behind him.

But what about Craig? Did they fail? I should've known.

"We've successfully re-recruited Craig to our side and he is now willing to fight Clyde for the stick." Kenny announces as Craig walks outside looking rather sheepish and guilty.

Wait, H-he Came back? He lifts his head and looks out at the crowd seeming to scan for something or someone. Surprisingly he stops once our eyes meet. He gives a sad smile that quickly falters and he looks away. I must have done something wrong. Again.


	12. Operation Creek Pt 2

**_|_Craig's POV_|_**

Oh he so hates me. I think? Why'd I choose to come back again? I mean yeah I'm back with Tweek but he hates me. So why'd I-

"Ok so the girls are sending us on a wild goose chase and- oh hey Craig's back."Oh right the threat of Dovakiin. And Pete apparently.

"And what?" Fat ass asks annoyed.

"Well long story short they sent us to an abortion clinic to get these documents and now we've got to translate them into English." Dovahkiin continues.

"That sounds like a very long story made very short." Kyle replies.

The girls sent them to an abortion clinic. I mean I guess I kinda already saw that but still. "Wait why did they send you to an abortion clinic and why are you even doing stuff for them?" 

"We're trying to get them on our side to help fight Clyde." Princess Kenny responds.

"Ah" I respond. We all look at the documents. Yep I have no clue what this says nor do I think anyone else does.

"I believe this is some kind of strange Orcish. I've seen that language before, in the kingdom of the north." Cartman says looking at it.

"And what the fuck does that mean?" Dovahkiin asks.

"Canada." Kyle translates.

"Should've known." Dovahkiin replies.

"So what are we supposed to do exactly?" Michael questions obviously annoyed.

"You go through the lost forest to get to the gateway. However, you'll need these to get through." Cartman says handing Dovahkiin Michael and Stan what I assume are fake passports.

"Well this is probably illegal but oh well let's go." Dovahkiin says looking at it.

"Well now what are we supposed to do?" Butters asks.

"Guess we just wait, maybe prepare for battle but it's probably going to take them awhile." Kyle says.

After that everyone kinda just spreads out to go do whatever. I look over towards Tweek to see Kenny talking to him. Pete is talking to Kyle about who knows what but Kyle seems to be confused by it. I see Kenny leave Tweek and start heading towards me. Tweek looks... I'm not really sure seems like he's got a lot of mixed feelings. Like more so than usual.

"Alright go get him." Princess Kenny says gesturing towards Tweek with his thumb.

"What?" I look at Kenny in surprise and confusion.

"Go get him."

"I heard you but what do you mean?"

"Oh my- do I have to do everything geeze." Kenny says grabbing me by the arm and dragging me towards Tweek.

"Hey hey, wait wait wait! Kenny I can't I-" we stop a few feet away from Tweek, probably still within in earshot.

"What do you mean 'you can't'" Kenny whisper shouts at me.

"I just- what am I even supposed to say to him!?" I whisper shout back.

"Oh for the love of- just I don't know! Say you'resorry explain why you left admit you're stupid and then say what you need to say!"

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"Fuck it! Just wing it alright!?" Kenny says throwing me the rest of the way towards Tweek.

**[Before Princess Kenny dragged Craig over]**

**#*#Tweek's POV#*#**

I can't believe that they convinced him to come back. My guess is that they threatened him considering how off he's acting.But what did they threaten him with? There's not really much that can faze Craig, except Dovahkiin seemed to. But if that was it he probably wouldn't have left in the first place.

"Heya Tweek!" Princess Kenny says greeting me happily.

"H-hi." I stutter.

"Now that we've got Craig back you guys ca-"

"H-how did you guys get him b-back" I cut him/her off.

"Hu? Oh uuuuuuuh several different methods. It was actually kinda easy considering..." Kenny trails off glancing towards Craig. I follow Craig's line of sight to see he's looking at Kyle and Pete. Huh that's kinda weird. Maybe their planning something or something went wrong. Maybe it was the underpants gnomes.

"You know what I'll just bring him over here so he can explain it. Didn't really tell us much." Kenny says walking towards him.

"Ah! Wait Kenny no!" Too late. AAAAH CRAP I'VE GOT TO TALK TO HIM NOW! OH NO! NO NO NO! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!!! He's dragging him over here oh my god. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!

"Hey hey, wait wait wait! Kenny I can't I-" Craig complains to Kenny and they stop a few feet away. Can't? Can't what? Talk to me? Oh no I totally did something wrong!

They're whispering to each other now. But their whispering really loudly so I can still hear a lot of it. And Kenny isn't making any sense. Even less so on my end since I don't get what's going on at all or why Craig is supposedly stupid.

"Fuck it! Just wing it alright!?" Kenny shouts suddenly, flinging Craig over to me causing him to stumble and nearly fall. Kenny laughs before he runs off to who knows where.

"Uh hi." Craig says rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. He sounds nervous. Why is he nervous? Should I be nervous too? Because I'm definitely nervous. Wait he said hi crap respond Tweek respond!

"H-hey" crap I stuttered! I mean I always stutter but I stutter even more with Craig and I hate it and its not fair!

"*Sigh* look Tweek I, uh..." He what? Oh gosh this is so stressful! What's going on?! What's wrong!? It's my fault isn't it? AHHHH TOO MUCH PRESSURE! "I'm sorry." What. He's sorry? Why's he sorry?

"I-I don't get it why are you sorry?" I question.

"For being an Idiot and ditching you guys for Clyde. Ditching you. I-I don't even know why I did it to tell you the truth. I mean there's a few reasons to why I did but the reasons for why I shouldn't have are greater which is why I came back." Craig explains.

"Wh-why are you telling me this? I-I-It's not like I'm in charge! Th-though I was sad you left" wait did I say that last part out loud? Oh no. He's going to get suspicious. Wait why's he getting closer? Oh god now I'm blushing!

"Because Tweek, you are the main reason on why I shouldn't have left. The main reason I came back. The main reason I feel so guilty for leaving. Why I'm so mad at myself. Because Tweek," AH! He he's crying but he's also blushing! He's really close to my face! I want to kiss him but that'll just weird him out! I think, or is he gonna kiss me? No he doesn't even- "I think I'm in love with you." What.

AAAAAHHHH HES KISSING ME! WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO! AHH KISS BACK KISS BACK! NO HES PULLED AWAY! DANG IT HE PROBABLY THINKS I DON'T LIKE HIM NOW AHAH! STUPID STUPID STUPID USELESS TWITCHING SPAZZ!

"I- I'm sorry." No no no no no! He's leaving he's running away oh no! Move move move!

"CRAIG!" YES I'M STILL FUNCTIONING! But now I've got to find him! And he's a very fast runner. "CRAIG!" Crap where'd he go?!? I've just been running around randomly. I guess I chose all the wrong directions.Wait what the hell is THAT?!

"*Speaking German*"

"AAAAAHHHH NAZI ZOMBIE! HELP!"

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

I-I can't do this! This is serious! This isn't a game, this is real! Although the effects still apply for some reason I can't do this! I'm going to die or I'm going to become a Zombie. No but but Craig!

"N-No! You're not t-taking me down! I-I have to find Craig! I'm not d-dieing till he knows that I love him back!" I scream at the zombie. Buuut since its a zombie it ignores me and lunges forward to try and bite me anyways. I try to push it off me but it's not working. I close my eyes accepting my fate, but instead of immense pain I feel the weight pressing down on me lifting followed by a shout of anger.I open my eyes to see Craig breathing heavily and the zombie now fully dead with what looks like Craig's dagger stuck in its head.

"You ok?" Craig asks looking over at me.

"C-craig!" I get up and latch on to him burying my face into his chest as I let the tears out.

"D-did you mean what you said? About loving me?" Craig questions wrapping his arms around me and burying his face into my messy hair. Ah, he heard that did he? I mean he said it first so there's nothing wrong with that right?

"Of course I did. I-I'm sorry about before. I was just so shocked, hearing you say that and you k-kissing me and I just-" he cuts me off by lifting my head up and kissing me again. This time I waste no time in closing my eyes and kissing back. This time I feel the fire works. For once in my life I forget about all my made up troubles. For once in my life I'm not panicking. Because I'm in the arms of the one I love. I know that's a lot for a fourth grader to say but I honestly don't care for once.

"I love you" he says pulling away.

"I love you too."


	13. Through the Base and up the Ass

**|•| Princess Kenny's POV|•|**

Ok operation Creek didn't really go as planned but it still worked out because Craig and Tweek are together now. Henrietta and Firkle also returned with the Pirates.

Ike immediately went over to Kyle to talk with him. About what I'm not sure but it was a short conversation.Meanwhile I'm still waiting for Dova to get back along with Stan and Michael. I knew the girls were going to be difficult but this is ridiculous.

I turn and look around to see if I can decipher whether or not there's any gossip going on or something. I'm bored okay? Besides, a princess needs to keep up with the know how of her kingdom.

While looking around I notice Butters heading my way. "Hey Butters, what's up?" I greet him, pushing off of the tree I was leaning on.

"Hiya Ken. Um I was wondering about uh a few things. And I uh was thinking you might be able to answer my questions?" Butters asks, nervously pushing his fingers together.

"Alright shoot." I respond.

"Okay. How... How do you know if you like someone or not? Like more than a friend?" Oh boy, I can see where this is going.

"Oh uuuuh well, I guess you kinda just feel gravitated towards them and you kinda just always want to be with them. And usually you'll find them attractive even if others don't." I explain the best I can. I'm a fucking fourth grader alright? I shouldn't be dealing with this shit. Shouldn't have to deal with a lot of shit but you know, South Park.

"Oh, ok. Umm but what if the person you like, is umm how do I say this..." Butters says trying to figure out how to word his question.

"Lesbian? Straight? Taken?" I ask, kinda just providing words to try to help him.

"No no no, it's not that it's just..." Butters says glancing off into the direction of King fat ass.

"Ooooh. If they're your bully?" I ask. He blushes and nods slowly in response looking to the ground. "Well, I-I don't really know. I mean there's always the odd case that your bully is bullying you because they like you but Cartman bullies everyone." I say mumbling a bit.

"Y-yeah..." Butters says looking down sadly.

"If you don't mind me asking, is there any reason why you uh I guess like him?" I ask

"I- I don't know I just do." Butters says beginning to cry. Poor Butters. I pat his back in attempt to comfort him. There's not really much I can say in this situation. I mean Cartman is an ass, always has been and quite possibly always will be.

"It'll all work out Butters. Try not to worry about it too much. I'm sure we can figure something out." Will we though? This is gonna be a lot harder than Operation Creek was.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**]Dovahkiin's POV[**

"The girls bathroom. The fucking girls bathroom! How'd they even do that there?!" Stan asks as we walk back to Ky- ahhahemthe elven forest.

"And why the fuck did they choose the one in the park?" I question.

"I don't know but I'm glad we don't have to go back there again." Michael replies shivering.

"I-"

"Dova don't you fucking dare." Stan growls at me. I start laughing in response.

"Why not?" I question sarcastically.

"Because if you do, I will go out of my way to buy glitter and shove it up your ass." Michael responds.

"That sounds painful." I respond. "And unhealthy."

"That's the point. If it wasn't you'd continue doing it." Stan replies opening the door to Kyle's house. 

Once we make it into the backyard I notice several things. One, Henrietta and Firkle are back with the "Pirates." Two, Craig and Tweek are cuddling, guess the Twitter thing wasn't a prank/joke. And three, Kenny and Kyle are comforting Butters as tears roll down his cheeks. Um, excuse me who the fuck made him cry? I just want to talk.

Once he spots me, Kyle gets up and walks over to us. I raise my brow at him, gesturing towards the sobbing Paladin but he just shakes his head as Cartman approaches us.

"Well did you get them to join us?" Grand Wizard fatty questions.

"Yeah, took fucking forever but yeah." I respond.

"I'm surprised we even did all of that in one day." Michael comments.

"Girls are very difficult." Stan says sighing at the end.

"Oh hey Jew, what's wrong with my Paladin?" A question I would also liked answered so that I can know who to punch.

"Nothing you'd understand." Kyle responds. Right so something to do with Erdick, noted. "Every one listen up! The girls have agreed to fight with us!"

"The Pirates and Federation factions are also ready to fight sir." Kenny says checking his phone. Butters seems to have stopped crying, well mostly.

"Then the time for talk is over. Let us all make haste to CLYDE'S HOUSE!!!!" The Grand wizard announces. We then begin to make our way to Clyde's.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

We arrive at Clyde's and automatically Kenny, Butters, and I are making our way through this massive tree castle, tasked with clearing the way for the others. How Clyde managed to build this I have no clue but whatever. How he managed to build all this in a matter of days is an even bigger mystery.

I break the bridge down with my "magic" still not sure how that or any of these things work or how they don't actually get people killed but ok whatever.

"You guys get inside, me and the Pirates are going to scale it from the outside." Stan says as he starts to climb.

"On it." I reply as I use the weird alien probe thing to teleport and turn off the generator for just some random electricity trap.

Kenny, Butters, Wendy, and Annie quickly take care of the two guards and I blast open the gate. We make our way through the insane base, taking out some kids, taking out fucking zombies, helping Ike out and using a firework to set a tower on fire. You know, the usual. Oh we also helped Stan, Kyle, Jimmy, Eric, Craig, Tweek, and Ike get inside through a window and they took out some zombie cows and a guard that was trying to unleash the cows.

"Here climb up, we're nearly to Clyde." Stan says lowering a rope ladder.

"I have a bad feeling about this. I mean zombie cows? God what has he done. I was afraid of this." Craig says sighing.

"Not just zombie cows but zombies in general too. And zombie cats." Kenny corrects recalling what we'd already faced.

"Whatever lets just keep going." I say as I open the door. Instead of being faced with Clyde, we're faced with a different kind of nightmare.

"Dad? What are you doing here?" Stan questions his father.

"Oh! It's my favorite kid!" Randy says coming over and kneeling next to me. Ouch, Rip Stan I guess."Listen, I found out what they were doing at the woman's clinic! They were looking for a candidate to put a snuke into! They're going to nuke ALL OF SOUTH PARK!"

"A snuke?" Kyle questions.

"You boys don't understand! They put the snuke HERE!" Randy responds.

"Who did?" Kyle questions again.

"Whoever these people are claiming to be Taco Bell!" He replies. "We should have known. We should have know that Taco Bell is far too compassionate and caring to be so secretive." That's where I face palm.

"You seriously JUST got that? I don't know about the compassionate and caring part but seriously? You- oh forget it." I decide to stop because I can tell he's only getting more confused.

"You knew!? And you didn't tell me?!?"

"It your own fault for not listening to the whole recording." And just overall being incompetent and not using common sense.

"Ok ok, Dad! Where is the woman with the snuke?" Stan asks stopping his father from saying anything else.

"They didn't put it in a woman." Randy says looking towards Mr.Slave, who I'm just now noticing. You have got to be kidding me.

"All I remember is that there were these big government guys and they wrestled me to the floor in my house. And I remember thinking, well this is fun, but wait- Is that a thermonuclear device?" Mr.Slave explains. Why do I get the feeling I'm going to have to do something about this? "I had had some drinks so putting a thermonuclear weapon up my ass wasn't COMPLETELY out of the question. Oh Jesus Christ how long do I have?" He explaining.

"We don't know Mr slave but it could be a matter of minutes!" Oh good job Randy, that's real reassuring.

"Well what are you waiting for? Pull it out!" Cartman goes to actually pull it out but Kyle stops him.

"No! You can't just pull it out! Snukes have triggers on them! We have to abort it from the inside!" Kyle lectures.

"Oh come on! Who knows how to do abortions AND can get really really small?!" Cartman counters. Fuck. Stan turns and looks at me. "You've got to be kidding me." Cartman says.

"God damn it. Alright but Stan you're coming with me as back up." I say.

"Why me?!?"

"Because you gave me away and now I've gotta do this shit. I was hoping we'd be able to find a different way but NOOO." I respond pulling out the gnome dust. I take a deep breath and sigh. "Fuck me." I say as I sprinkle the dust on us and we go through his ass hole.


	14. Clyde and The Government

**$~Stan's POV~$**

Ok so Dovahkiin and I have gone up the ass of Mr. Slave. There is a lot of shit in here, and when I say shit I don't just mean literal shit. There's a fucking phone, flashlight, mutant bacteria and ghosts of fucking animals. Yep. Oh there were also some bats. We fight some government dudes, (not sure how they got here) and beat them. Dovahkiin then aborts the snuke and we head out through his mouth. So we did a bit of reversal. In the butt and out the mouth. That does not seem right at all.

Once we get out the ghost animals give Dovahkiin a crown and thank the both of us. I don't know why they're thanking us we literally beat up the sparrow prince. Which didn't make sense cause I mean he's a ghost but whatever.

"That was a horrible experience that I never want to go through again." Dovahkiin says as he un-shrinks us.

"Uh q-question. H-H-how do you do t-that?" Tweek asks.

"I defeated some gnomes and they gave me this. Not even joking." Dovahkiin says.

"Gn-n-nomes?" Tweek asks freaking out slightly. Well slightly by Tweek standards. Dovahkiin just nods in response.

"Alright, now that South Park's saved, let's go beat Clyde once and for all and get back the Stick of Truth." Cartman says, ignoring Tweek's freak out. We all nod and make our way over to Clyde. Well not my dad and Mr. Slave but you know.

"Fools! You thought you could conquer the Fortress of Darkness?! You thought you could betray me?" Clyde states. Well that last part was definitely aimed at Craig but he seems more focused on what Clyde is standing next to. He's by a barrel of that green goo that's turning everything into Nazi Zombies. Uh oh.

"Clyde back away from that stuff." I warn.

"Oh but I have yet to finish my army! You have come to witness the power of darkness!" He retorts.

"Stop, Clyde! You have no idea what that stuff is!" Kyle attempts to warn him as well.

"Ya-hu it's green sauce from Taco Bell, I took it from their construction site." Clyde counters.

"Since when the fuck does green sauce turn people into fucking Natzi zombies!?!?" Dova yells.

"Yeah, dude that's not Taco Bell sauce." I add on.

"Then why'd I find it at Taco Bell?" Clyde I swear to all that is holy-

"It leaked out of a UFO CLYDE! It's toxic goo from another galaxy!THINK ABOUT IT! SINCE WHEN DOES TACO BELL MAKE A GREEN SAUCE DUDE!?" Cartman yells.

"Actually since about a year ago." Kyle responds.

"What?"

"Taco Bell has green sauce now."

"No way."

"They've had it longer than a year though I-" 

"IS THIS REALLY IMPORTANT?!?" Dovahkiin yells, cutting me off.

"HA HA! I don't seem so foolish now do I?" Clyde says.

"Oh no you're still an idiot" Craig responds.

"Yeah it still doesn't mean you've got Taco Bell green sauce dipfuck." Dovahkiin says. "It's glowing for fucks sake!"

"Maybe because of the three varieties of chili peppers" Clyde responds. That earns him a face palm from Dovahkiin.

"Just give us the stick asshole." Eric says annoyed.

"Or what? You're gonna beat me up? Ha ha I've got another surprise for you." Clyde replies.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**]Dovahkiin's POV[**

Oh good more surprises. And the goo is flowing... Into a coffin. How'd we not notice that? "I'm gonna make love to your womaaaaaan!" Oh good a legit fat singing chef zombie that was brought back to life.

Every one else screams, I've gotta admit I did yipe and jump a little. "I mean I was expecting 'Brains' buuut..." I say as I walk up to the now German speaking zombie and begin attacking him.

"Let's make sweet RAAAAARW"

"Uh no thanks!" I say as I attack. Clyde orders him to "kill" but I dodge his chocolate balls? Ooookaaaay.

Stan jumps in and helps me out. Once we get him to about half health he comes over and tries to bite me. I manage to punch and kick my way out of his grasps and he steps away looking shocked.

"Children! What have I done?" The Zombie questions.

"You tried to eat us chef!" Stan responds but just gets German back. Does he know this Zombie? Do they all know him? Oh who am I kidding, of fucking course they do.

"Hey I raised you from the dead you have to obey. Clyde says squirting 'Chef' with more goo. Why do Iget the feeling that this is gonna keep happening?

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

I was right, he tried to bite me again and I got away. "I'm sorry boys."

"It's alright Chef, we know it's the goo making you do this." Stan says. And Clyde sprays more alien goop at him. Actually, how the fuck is he spraying this shit? Its like way too thick to be sprayable. Or at least it looks way too thick to be sprayable.

This course of events happens a third time because things happen in threes right?

"Children, everyone, I'm back!" 'Chef says happily. Yeah I doubt that.

"Enough of this!" Clyde says as he throws a fucking Molotov on him. "Burn them! Burn them all!" I use my "magic" to make him explode. How that actually worked I have no idea.

"Geeze" Stan says looking at the dead body.

"Your eons of torment are done, ruler of Darkness." Cartman says.

"Um ok you know what I'm not playing anymore." Clyde says looking away.

"You have broken the rules of the Stick and therefore I banish thee. I banish thee... from SPACE AND TIME!" Cartman yells as he kicks him off. Don't people usually say time and space? Or like Spacetime as one word?

"Dude that's not cool." I say pointing from where he was kicked.

"Eh whatever I'm sure he's fine. Anyway, you've done it! Your Nobel quest is at an end. And for all your deeds and time put into it, I hereby promote you, to King Dovahkiin! Congratulations!" Grand wizard fatso says.

"Sweet." I say smiling.

"Does that make Kenny a queen now?" Craig asks. Kenny hits him on the shoulder in response.

"Quickly, let's get the stick back to safety before anyone can-" Kyle is cut off by military guys coming down and surrounding us.

"We've got him! We've got the Dragonborn!" Well shit.

"Dragonborn? What th- the fuck are you talking about." Cartman asks. I can't tell if he's playing dumb or is just dumb.

"So it really is the dragonborn." Some old government dude says stepping forward. "Just can't stop being a thorn in our side, huh?"I growl in response, my ears flattening even more from under my helmet.

"He has the Stick of Truth." Cartman says backing away.

"Dovahkiin how does he know you?" Kyle asks.

"I'm not completely sure." I respond.

"So you actually told them your name did you? Wait. You don't remember do you?" The government dickwad asks. "How we tried to find you?"

"Not everything no." I growl.

**|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**|•|Princess Kenny's POV|•|**

What the heck is going on? "Look, that stick belongs with the fighters of Zaron give it back." Stan says.

"Fighters of Zaron? Look boys this is far more complex than that. You see this isn't the first UFO to crash. You see in 1987 a UFO crashed in Roswell New Mexico."

"Oh god." Cartman complains.

"Oh brother, spare us!" Stan adds on.

"Hang on a sec. A UFO crashed in Roswell and a new government agency was created to investigate the paranormal. Our agency."

"Where exactly is this going and do we really need to know?" I asks.

"Just listen. Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok, our agency is there and we have never lost a fight. That is until 5 and a half years ago when we were investigating a child." Goverbitch responds. I glance at Dova whose still glaring. "A child who had unnatural power inside of him. I had orders from the President to secure the child, so we could harness his powers before our enemies could. But he slipped out of our grasps. Over, and over again."

"The government wants Dovahkiin for his farts?" Kyle asks. Ok playing dumb tactic.

"That's dumb." Stan states.

"His farts? No. For his ability to make friends so quickly on any social network. When he was barely- " He gets cut off by Dova laughing crazily. "Whys he laughing?" The gov guy questions.

"That's why you're after me? AHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHA!" Dovahkiin yells through laughter. He's lost it. My just recently made boyfriend has lost it. Though I honestly don't blame him.

"Well what else would it be?"

"You don't even know? He he he HAHHAA! IM A FREAK! SOME WEIRD WOLF HYBRID CREATURE! HAHAHAHAH AND YOU WERE AFTER ME FOR THAT!?!? HAHAHAAHH" Dovahkiin yells, throwing off his helmet and letting his tail slip out of his shirt.

"What the hell! This is more advanced than we thought. GET HIM!" Gov guy orders.

"DOVAHKIIN!" I yell as military men tackle him to the ground.


	15. Uncontrollable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mentions of Blood and Gore  
> I edited this one to make it more grotesque because why not?

**]Dovahkinn's POV[**

  
"DOVAHKIIN" Kenny yells as I'm tackled by all the military guys. Talk about over kill. But is it really? I can feel myself slipping away.

My mind is going blank. I'm going to lose control. I'm going to hurt people again... I... I ... **I must kill.**

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**|•|Princess Kenny's POV|•|**

  
Growling is coming from the pile of military men. Suddenly a loud bark resonates from the pile sending out a massive shock wave that sends the military men flying and every one else to the floor. I look at where the pile was expecting to see a pissed off Dovahkiin but... He's not there. Standing in his place on all fours is a blood thirsty wolf. A rather big wolf at that.

"AHH! WHAT THE H-HELL IS T-THAT?" Tweek yells.

"We're fucked." Craig murmurs. "They've pissed him off and now we're all fucked."

"Wait. This is what he turns into?" Stan asks.

"W-What? W-What's going on? TOO MUCH PRESSURE GAAAH! IT ATE DOVAHKIIN!" Tweek yells freaking out.

"It didn't eat him. That IS Dovahkiin." Kyle says staring at the growling mess that's going after all the military men, clawing and biting them.

He's tearing out their throats and chunks of flesh, blood splattering everywhere and staining his muzzle. He goes from soldier to soldier, biting at their faces, their throats, and anything else he can get his mouth around.

"No." I correct him.

"What?" Kyle looks at me.

"That is not my Dova."

"Kenny. It is and you know it is." Kyle says sadly.

"No."

"Kenny-" Butters starts but he's cut off. He's cut off by that beast attacking the lead government guy, pouncing on top of him and clamping his jaws around his face and forehead. The government guys screams out in pain, thrashing around in attempt to get the wolf off of him as it slowly bites down harder and harder. Eventually he goes silent as a series of cracking and squishing sounds come from his head.

"He's not in control. He may be in there but he's not in control." I explain my denial.

As I say that the beast's head whirls around and stares at us, muzzle bloodied and various bits of flesh, skull, and brain hanging out of his mouth. His growling increases.

"Guys, when I say now,run." I tell them.

"Kenny what are you gonna do?" Kyle questions looking at me. I shake my head. The monster inches even closer. He's going to pounce soon. Better make sure it's me who gets pounced on. God this is going to hurt.

"NOW." I yell and they all bolt. The creature notices quickly and starts to chase after them but I jump in the way earning a bite to the shoulder. I can't help but scream out in pain.

I look at the beast through tears. I stare into it's red eyes as they slowly lose their blood lust and change into the familiar chocolate brown and fill with confusion. I watch as his pupils slowly focus in on me and then proceed to widen as he realizes what he's done. He lets go of my shoulder and backs away from me whimpering. He looks around him, yiping and flinching at every corpse he sees.

"Dovahkiin?" I call softly knowing he's back in control.

  
**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**]Dovahkiin's POV[**

What was that cry!? Whats this metallic taste in my mouth? Is-Is this blood? My eyes slowly begin to focus on whatever it is that I've clamped down on. Once they finally do I'm met with the eyes of my boyfriend. Eyes that are filled with pain, tears, and uncertainty. I-I attacked Kenny. I quickly let go of his shoulder and back away from him. I look around to check to see if I've hurt anyone else. I have. I have done a lot more than just hurt this time. I yipe at the first mauled body I see. I flinch at every single one of the horrible mauled bodies, all the blood splatters and torn out throats. Why didn't they shoot me? 

"Dovahkiin?" Kenny calls me weakly.

My ears flatten even further, my tail goes even more between my legs, and my whimpering increases even more so and I begin backing up even further from Ken. I can feel the tears falling from my eyes, wetting my furry cheeks. I can feel myself shaking as I hit the wall behind me. I close my eyes and look down, willing it all to go away. I hear footsteps and voices close by but I can't tell whose they belong to.

Maybe it's more military people. Maybe they've come to kill me. I don't want to die but I know I should. I didn't ask for any of this. At least it'll come to and end now. I think Kenny is getting up to run away. Good he won't have to see this. My senses aren't functioning properly right now, everything is sounds so far away. I can sense someone's in front of me. My body stiffens waiting for death to envelope me. But instead of a bullet piercing through my skull I feel the warmth of arms wrap around me.

The smell of my boyfriend mixed with the smell of his blood engulfs me. The tears begin to fall even harder and I begin to sob. I can feel myself transforming back. As soon as I can I clutch on to Kenny, avoiding his wound and crying into his hair repetitively saying "I'm so sorry" between my sobs with him responding that it ok, but I know it's not.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**   
**(Just as the others left)**   
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**$~Stan's POV~$**

  
As we run out and quickly down the stairs the scream of Kenny is our goodbye.

"Guys wait, we've gotta go back." Kyle says stopping.

"What? No way in hell am I going back! " Cartman says looking at Kyle like he's insane.

"Y-y-yeah dude, Kenny t-t-told us to run." Tweek stutters.

"Yeah but-"

"Kyle it's alright. We've gone through all kinds of shit. Kenny always finds a way out and finds us later." I say pulling him along but he drags his feet.

He shakes his wrist out of my grasp. "T-that's the thing though... Do you remember when he told us that he couldn't die when we were playing super heroes a while back?" Kyle asks.

"Yeah but what does that have to-"

"Think about it Stan! Every time weird crap starts to happen, Kenny disappears and we don't see him till the next day." Kyle explains. "But do you ever remember how or why he disappears?"

"I- Well He-" Why can't I answer that? Where is Kyle going with this?

"You just want us to go back so we can all get killed and your greedy Jew self can make sure you stay alive! In fact- wait why hasn't psycho Dovahkiin come to kill us yet?" Fatass questions.

"What if Dovahkiin killed Kenny?" Butters questions. "And now he's come to and is hating himself?"

"I can't believe I'm saying this but, only one way to find out." Craig says going back up to the room we barely got any distance from. We all begin to follow, making our way slowly towards the room. Wait, where the fuck did Jimmy go? I guess he bailed awhile ago. Pussy.

As we approach the room sobbing and the voice of Dovahkiin continuously saying "I'm so sorry" can be heard.

For a moment I can feel my stomach along with everyone else's sink as we think Butters prediction was correct. That is until we hear Kenny say "It's Ok Dova. You didn't mean to. That wasn't you, it was something else. You weren't in control."

That's when we finally enter the room. We're greeted by Dovahkiin clutching onto Kenny for dear life as Kenny attempts the same with a bleeding shoulder. Dovahkiin has dried blood all over him. In his hair, on his face, on his some how unripped clothing, his hands. Just, every where. Dovahkiin seems to sense that we're here and looks up from Kenny's hair, his wig laying at our feet and his hood down.

Fear is evident in Dovahkiin's eyes making mine fill with pity. "You know, he's right. We all know you didn't do any of this on purpose." I say to him. Guess Kenny didn't realize we were here since he jumped at my voice and turned around.

"You're still totally going to jail for this though dude." Cartman says looking around. Earning him several glares and punches. "Ow! What the fuck!?"

"I deserve more than just jail time." Dovahkiin says standing up shakily. He helps Kenny up as well. Kenny shakes his head in response. Suddenly red and blue flashing lights assault our eyes as the sounds of sirens attack our ears.

"See I told you." Cartman says.

"Shut it fat ass" Everyone but Dovahkiin barks at him.


	16. Friends Fix Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This shits probably unrealistic but I mean fuck it it’s South Park

**]Dovahkiin's POV[**

It's been several months since the "Incident," 5 to be exact. I've been in Juvie ever since. I may or may not have gotten beat up several times since I refuse to talk. I just let them since I have no need of getting in any more trouble. Besides I deserve it. I sit alone in my cell staring at the floor. They had to move me away from everyone else because of the beatings. I barely eat any of the food they give me cause, one it's crappy and two, what's the point?

I hear footsteps approach my cell. I don't bother looking up. I hear a sigh. "Ok Kid come on." I hear the person say. I look at the guard confused. "You're gonna have a talk with the warden."

"Why?" I croak out. Like I've said, I've essentially been quiet for five months. I'm surprised I can speak at all still.

"Because, you really don't belong here. Even if you really did kill all those people, it obviously wasn't because you wanted to or meant to." He says as he begins to open up my cell.

"What?!? No! No No No! This is my punishment! I-I killed people! I-"

"See that, that right there. You're a good kid who got mix up in some crazy stuff." The guard says coming up to me and leading me out.

"My life is crazy stuff. I don't get caught up in it, people get caught up in my problems and I end up hurting them." I say. It's true though. I hear the guard let out a sigh before looking over his shoulder at me.

"Dovahkiin was it? You said this was your punishment? Well with the others beating you up on top of you beating yourself up, I'd say you've served your punishment and anymore punishments that come in the next week or so. If not more." He says as he opens the door to the wardens Office for me. I nod and step inside, him following behind me.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**A FEW WEEKS LATER**

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**|•|Kenny's POV|•|**

In the span of time Dovahkiin has been gone, I have died 27 times. Yaaaaaay! At least my shoulder healed. I also think Kyle is sort of starting to remember my deaths though. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing. God I miss my Dova. But unfortunately I've gotta wait another 7 months or so. And then he might move and I'll lose the love of my life and and-

"Kenny are you ok?" Butters asks me. Fuck I'm crying. I wipe my tears away and sniffle. I've also started showing my face. I still have my hood up but not tightened around my face.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm fine, just thinking about what's going to happen to Dovahkiin and I." I say still battling tears.

Butters gives me a small smile and pats me on the back. "It's alright Kenny, I'm sure everything wil-"

"OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! DOVAHKIIN IS GETTING OUT OF JUVIE EARLY!" Cartman yells running up to us. With any other situation I'd laugh at the fact that he can actually run but MY DOVY IS GETTING OUT OF JUVIE!

"CARTMAN SO HELP ME IF THIS IS A PRANK I WILL MURDER YOU! WHENS HE GETTING OUT?" I yell at him. Please don't be a joke, please don't be a joke, please please PLEASE don't let this be a joke!

"I'M SERIOUS! HE'S GETTING OUT TOMORROW! I HEARD THE PRINCIPLE TALKING ABOUT IT ON THE PHONE!" Cartman yells back. And then I screamed really really loud and I think I cracked a window. I may have also caused a few bloody ears and made some people go deaf. I may have also caused a few of the staff to come running out to see why a kid just screamed insanely loud. They don't even bother asking what was up when they see me running around squealing like a teenage girl that just got asked out by her crush. They just watch me for a bit then leave.

"Jesus Kenny calm the fuck down." Kyle says laughing at me.

"I CAN'T!" I yell bouncing up and down in place, a smile on my face. "I GET TO SEE MY DOVA EARLY!" I shriek. Then the bell rings, signaling us that recess is over and that we've gotta get back to class.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

The bell rings, signaling the end of the day and awakening me from my day dreams of Dovahkiin. Well some were more like day nightmares. With the news of Dovahkiin getting out early comes the large possibility that he'll move even sooner than before.

"Ok first you were running around screaming and now you're all quite and walking slowly. What's got ya down Kenny?" Stan asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

I look up at him and sigh. "Well, since Dovahkiin is getting out early, that means he'll probably just be leaving even sooner."

"Aww come on Kenny, we don't even know if he is going to move at all! Besides even if he does you'll probably get more time with him since his parents won't be prepared. That is if he does move." Stan says trying to cheer me up. I give him a sad smile and a nod in response. We all end up just standing at the bus stop with all the other kids, waiting for the bus. There's a few small conversations from the school to the bus stop by our houses but not much. Once we get there we all bid each other farewell after arriving at our designated houses.

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**< -<-Kyle's POV->->**

Ok so Dovahkiin didn't show up at the bus stop but I'm sure he'll be here. Kenny, Stan, Cartman, Butters, Craig, Tweek, Token, and even Clyde are just hanging out by the lockers area waiting for him. Suddenly we hear a line of whispering coming our way. We turn around and sure enough, there's Dovahkiin, but something is off. I hear Kenny gasp and he quickly runs up and hugs him. He seems shocked and hesitant at first but eventually gives in and hugs him back. They exchange a few teary "I missed you's before letting go. With this display there's even more whispering.

"I thought you said he was dangerous!?"

"He is! He killed a bunch of people!"

"Maybe he was set up?"

"They look so cute!"

"Eww gross gays."

"Are they dating?"

"Why would Kenny go for him? He looks like he'll collapse if he gets hit by a gust of wind!"

"Yeah he's not dangerous at all. Bet he didn't even really go to Juvie!"

"Haha he's a total wimp! Just look at him!"

The not so quite whispers make Dovahkiin shrink into himself and look down. Something is seriously wrong. I may not know Dovahkiin insanely well, but I know he would've normally yelled at all of them to shut the hell up or yell come backs at them. At the very least glare.

"OI! KNOCK IT OFF! HE'S BEEN THROUGH SOME SHIT THAT NONE OF YOU ASS BAGS WILL EVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH! SO JUST FUCK OFF AND GOSSIP ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!" Craig yells at all of them. Looks like Craig will remain on the top of the intimidation/don't fuck with me list for awhile. The bell rings and we all have to get to class

**||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||**

**]Dovahkiin's POV[**

"So there a reason as to why exactly you got out of Juvie so early?" Cartman asks me the one of many questions I've been dreading.

I sigh and think about the reasons they told me. "Well, according to them I basically served the equivalence of my punishment because of..." I stall. Should I tell them? Would it make me seem weak and make them worry about me even more? Do they even care?

"Because of what?" Stan asks seemingly concerned. I guess they do care. Might as well tell them.

"While in juvie I was beat up almost on a daily basis because they saw me as a freak. They didn't even know how much I truly am, but since I never talked or interacted with anyone they just...*sigh* I guess the factor of me attempting to keep to myself and not eating much also played a role." I explain. Kenny hugs me and I hug him back.I don't deservehim. He deserves better.

"Were there any other reasons?" Kyleasks curiously. "Not that there needs to be but you know."

"Yeah. They said I blamed myself too much and that I really didn't belong there. They also said that since I never caused any trouble, they'd use that as the official statement. I wasn't even in Juvie for the past few weeks. They sent me to a psychiatric hospital to see if they could help me mentally which it did slightly but not much." I finish explaining, my arm now wrapped around Kenny's waist as his head leans on my shoulder. He's rubbing circles around the back of my hand in comfort. It's.... nice.

"Well we'll do our best to help you out Dova. After all what are friends for?" Butters says with a smile. I return it.

"Yeah, there's no need to dwell on the past because it's the past. Save the good memories and conquer the bad!" Kyle smiles too.

"I glitter that." Stan says with a smirk.

"Oh so you can say it but I can't?" I question laughing slightly.

"I don't understand that but oh well. Stan you made him laugh and I now applaud you. You'll be the best man at our wedding." Kenny says causing me to blush.

"Hey what about me?!?" Kyle pouts, clearly holding in laughter.

"You can be the main brides maid." I say jokingly.

"Ok ok cut it out love birds. Let's stop wasting away our recess and go play something. By the way we dumped the stick in the lake because too much shit went down because of it so now we've gotta figure out what else to play. Not aliens verses Cowboys because that sucked ass." Cartman interjects.

"Alright. How 'bout werewolves vs vampires?" I ask.

"No way too close to Twilight." Stan says sticking out his tongue in disgust.

"You mean Twishite?" Kenny corrects. We all laugh and use the rest of our time just fucking about and making shitty jokes and puns. Life in South Park may be crazy, but it's worth it. As long as I have my friends and Kenny, I'm going nowhere.

**Author's Note:**

> I promise you there aren’t normally this many time skips (At least not labeled ones) and POV changes. I don’t know why there was a trillion of each. Okay POV changes might be pretty common but usually it’s just one or two and there’s actually more than a few paragraphs of each POV change.
> 
> I mean there might be a bit of back and forth POV changes between two characters but it’s probably Mostly gonna be between two characters and even then it’d just be Person A Person B Person A. Idk for sure though, it’s been like 4 years since I wrote this at least.
> 
> Aaaaanyways, I swear it gets better, idk when I can get to posting the next Chapter but it shouldn’t be tooo long. Those are my famous last words btw, watch it be 3 months.


End file.
